Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
You could probably win the US election by promising to make the McRib a permanent McDonald's menu item.
Topless maids industry is booming. Bottomless gardeners, not so much.
If Seth MacFarlane wasn't hosting the Oscars, he'd be ragging on Seth MacFarlane hosting the Oscars.
Judging from my inbox, America today is primarily the "Land of Opportunity to Get My Penis Enlarged."
I can't help but think Adele's soundtrack to the new James Bond movie would be so much better if James Bond broke up with her.
I just read a “crazed fan” bit Danny Bonaduce. Here’s the kicker, he’s the one taking antibiotics as a precaution.
I'd have a one Night Stand with Taylor Swift just so she could write a song about it. The song would be 2:34 seconds long and called "Meh"
"Wayne's World" is over 20 years old. Have a terrible day, rapidly aging human.
What if Breaking Bad and The Walking Dead teamed up to give Walt jr. a tv show. They could call it "Walking Bad"
Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.
If you play The Little Mermaid backwards, Ariel ditches her idiot boyfriend and gains the powers of Aquaman.
I'm starting to worry that I fantasize more about having affordable health care than I do about having sex on a jet ski with Natalie Portman