Some of those words include "mindies," "cheemos," "slash/slash kids," "rudettes," "double dressers," "toystep" and "power pop," all of which are full-on proof that I’ve gotten old. Not only have I never heard these terms, I’m annoyed by them, which means I’m one step closer to an all-encompassing concern about the quality of my lawn and whether or not young feet breach the perimeter.

The Guardian’s Jemima Kiss can tell you what those mean if you want to know. But beware, the definitions are disturbing, especially for "cheemos" and "toystep." Or you can follow me to where things are still radical, def, and awesome, and sometimes involve rat-tails, mullets, hair poofs and pegged jeans.

Oh, and don’t forget Club MTV’s Party to Go.

Volume One.

On cassette.

For my boombox.

On with it then, before this devolves into aged self-pity. The six types of social network users, according to Future Laboratory’s MySpace 08: People. Content. Culture, are:

Essentialists (38%): An essentialist uses a social network for basic communication utility, or staying in touch with friends or family.

Transumers (28%): These are followers who join groups other people start that connected with their hobbies and interests.

Connectors (10%): These are your viral agents that pass on interesting links and information to their contacts.

Collaborators (5%): In the work world, we call them event planners.

Scene Breaking (5%): Again, you might call these agents in the nonvirtual world. A Scene Breaking user keeps up with new talent on the social networks – bands, writers, actors, models, you name it – and shares it with others in their circle.

Netreprenuers (4%): These are people who use social networking sites for making money, period.