And the early reviews are in, and they aren’t looking good for Netflix’s third major original series. Here are some blips from some of them:

The L.A. Times: “Let me be clear: As a for-profit visual arts experience, ‘Hemlock Grove’ is terrible in ways that mock the meaning of the word ‘terrible,’ with clunky acting, tra-la-la transitions and at least one monster that walks like a bad Frankenstein and appears to be wearing the very same wig/hat we used.”

The Telegraph: “So is Hemlock Grove another triumph for the TV and film streaming site? The short answer is no. Quite the reverse in fact. Hoping to be a cross between Twin Peaks and True Blood, with a hint of E4′s soapy thriller Revenge thrown in for good measure, this sexed-up 13-part series, I’m afraid, is Netflix’s first dud. Where it tries so desperately to be eerie and esoteric, it winds up as derivative as anything the basic TV channels churn out on a regular basis: hammy, hackneyed and disjointed.”

Variety: “If the underlying formula is as old as ‘Dark Shadows,’ there’s still a need for more narrative momentum than the 13-episode series initially delivers. So while one can understand why Netflix would augment its original slate with this mix of talent, ‘Hemlock Grove’ remains a mere niche confection, one likely to play best among those genre fans who can’t see the forest for the trees.”

HitFix: “But it’s also a mess: a horror series with a weirdly slow build (you don’t even see the lead werewolf character transform until the end of the second episode), a mix of campy performances and competent ones, and just enough intriguing ideas to make me wish the entire thing was a lot better than it is.”

There is a glimmer or hope, as Entertainment Weekly gave it a B+, saying, “When all the blood is mopped up, Hemlock, like so many horror flicks before it, is about the ­monster inside all of us and the human bonds that prevent us from becoming our beastliest selves.”

Of course, reviews aren’t everything – just one person’s opinion. But it definitely appears that Hemlock Grove isn’t going to benefit from the widespread, nearly-universal acclaim handed out to Netflix’s last original series – the superb political thriller House of Cards.

We’ve seen a number of trailers for Hemlock Grove so far, but today, Netflix put out the first red band trailer, with all of the sex, violence, and language fans of Eli Roth (the show’s director) would expect.

It’s going to be interesting to see how Hemock Grove is received following the success of House of Cards, which quickly became the most popular TV show on IMDB. That’s coming to DVD in June, by the way.

Next month, Netflix subscribers finally get to enjoy the long-anticipated fourth season of Arrested Development.

The film, called iSteve, is set to run over an hour – much longer than most Funny or Die projects. The film stars Justin Long as Jobs (Dodgeball, Accepted, Waiting, and the “Mac” in those old PC vs Mac Apple ads). Lost‘s Jorge Garcia stars as Steve Wozniak.

Today, Funny or Die has dropped the official teaser trailer – and it doesn’t seem all that funny. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, of course. Just, unexpected.

iSteve will be the first of three noteworthy Steve Jobs biopics to land, premiering on April 15th. Jobs (formerly titled jOBS), or the Ashton Kutcher one, was originally slated for an April 19th release – but was recently pushed back for additional marketing. Then there’s the biggest-budget Steve Jobs biopic, Sony’s still untitled project based on Walter Isaacson’s bestselling autobiography Steve Jobs. That’s currently being penned by The Social Network and The West Wing‘s Aaron Sorkin.

Yeah, that sums up my experience rather perfectly. Please don’t tell my wife, but this honest trailer for Les Miserables is the best version of Les Miserables that I’ve ever seen. Check it out:

[screenjunkies]

The series, based on the novel of the same name by Brian McGreevy, stars Famke Janssen, Bill Skarsgård, Landon Liboiron, Penelope Mitchell, and Dougray Scott.

“When the mangled corpse of a local teenager is discovered, rumor and suspicion spread like a plague through Hemlock Grove. As dark secrets bubble to the surface, everyone becomes a suspect in the hunt for a monster that may be hiding in plain sight,” reads Netflix’s summary.

Hemlock Grove will follow the new Netflix model (House of Cards), releasing all 13 episodes at once on April 19th.

Oh My God premieres on April 13th at 10 pm EST.

So, make sure you tune in. Also pie:

HBO special airs April 13.Here’s a thing youtube.com/watch?v=KEtAfA…. Also new show in baltimore louisck.com Also pie.

— Louis C.K. (@louisck) March 8, 2013

There’s more fun to be had at the expense of Twilight. Check out slapping fish, leftover cake, and more in last year’s awesome Bad Lip Reading of the original movie.

Cue a bunch of intese closeups, and there you have the latest Game of Thrones teaser for season three. March 31st, people. We’re on the homestretch.