Mary Amicucci, the vice president of Children’s Books for Barnes and Noble, explains, “Bringing awareness to the seriousness and severity of name-calling, teasing, bullying and cyber bullying is very important to Barnes & Noble. We’re pleased to be partnering with Simon & Schuster and GLSEN for such an important effort”.

Unfortunately, it was only last night when yet another American teen died in a circumstance shrouded by bully- related afflictions. Amanda Cummings of Staten Island is reported to have lost her life by jumping in front of a moving bus in the evening hours earlier last week. The fifteen year old was found with a suicide note in her pocket, and enough evidence exists to suggest that her distress is the result of the relentless torment she received from classmates.

No Name-Calling Week is yet another effort entwined in the highly publicized Anti – Bullying Movement, that has kept the Nation more aware of the hardships faced by our younger citizens. Barnes and Noble reiterates the importance of these efforts at a time that may come as some comfort to the family of Amanda Cummings and has gracious added on more weeks.

Before I comment on the letter, I want to tell you a little bit about its author, Tony Orsini. I can’t say that I know him very well, but all four of my kids attended his Ridgewood New Jersey middle school and he is a good principal. He is passionate about what’s right for his students, and I guarantee you that every word in his letter is built on what he believes is right.

I just think he is misguided on this one. And it is very understandable how that happens, because it happens to all of us when faced with new technology. Because the technology is the thing being injected into our otherwise settled equation, it feels right that the technology is the problem, when we are our own worst enemies. It’s not the technology. It’s us.

Think about it. Tony points out that Facebook and other social networks have become the newest venues for bullying, which is an incredibly serious problem. But the issue isn’t where the bullying is happening. The issue is the bullying. Let me make this point with a personal story.

Even though I am older in dirt, I was in sixth grade once myself. My family had moved from another state and I was "the new kid." I was short and scrawny–a patsy. I was the easiest victim they’d ever seen, so the other boys in my grade bullied me for well over a year at every recess every school day.

One day, in seventh grade, I decided that I wasn’t going to subject myself to it anymore, so when everyone else went to play at recess, I just plopped myself down away from the other kids and did not move from there. A teacher who had apparently never noticed the bullying going one for months noticed me today and asked me what was wrong, so I told her. At that point, the school cracked down on the kids and my life got better.

Schools have changed a lot since I was 12. They now take bullying extremely seriously and no kid would go through what I did, because the kids are told that the adults care about this problem and that they can be approached. I never knew that anyone would care if I told them and the bullies had made it clear that that wasn’t my best strategy. So, I wasn’t intending to tell someone about my problem when I removed myself physically from the bullying. I had taken Tony’s solution. Instead of addressing the problem, I canceled my own recess.

So, I understand where Tony is coming from. If they are bullying you at recess, cancel recess. If they are bullying you in Facebook, cancel Facebook. But that was my solution as a 12-year-old. Fortunately, the adults, the teachers and other educators, have spent the last 40 years figuring out how to stop bullying without canceling recess. And as far as I can tell, it has been highly effective. The teachers try to monitor bullying behavior more than they once did, yes, but the main thing they do is to empower the victims of bullying by telling them what to do when it happens. And they also drill into kids from an early age that bullying is unacceptable. And it works. Without canceling recess.

The truth is that although Facebook seems like this brave new world to us oldsters (and in some ways it is), it doesn’t repeal the laws of human behavior. The problem is not bullying on Facebook. The problem is bullying. 40 years ago, many teachers said things like "boys will be boys" over this problem because they felt helpless about what they could do to stop it. It is understandable that we might feel a bit helpless about cyber-bullying now, but canceling Facebook is not the solution.

Instead, we must accept that bullying is unacceptable no matter where it happens. And we must accept that in the real world or the cyberworld, adults can’t always monitor what kids do. And we must accept that this technology will be used no matter what we want. At what age is Facebook OK? How do children learn how to act appropriately online? We must step up to teach them and we must emphasize that they are accountable for what they do online as well as everywhere else. And we must emphasize that we care what happens to them online, just as we do everywhere else. Canceling Facebook is just drawing a line that cannot hold.

Having said that, i have no issue with parents who want to follow Tony’s advice. That might be the right approach for your kid. But it can’t be right for every kid. There are plenty of mature eighth graders that can handle Facebook, just as there are probably some ninth graders that can’t. Each parent can make that decision based on their own kid. If Tony’s letter helps parents reclaim their confidence to make that decision, good. But if his letter just scares everyone into thinking that putting our heads in the sand will keep the cyber-bullies away, that would be a shame.

It’s easy to demonize Facebook for cyber-bullying. It’s harder to address the problem of student behavior, whether it happens online or off. But just as 40 years ago we ignored the problem offline, we have learned enough to know that we must confront bullying wherever it happens. On Facebook, too.

Thanks for raising the issue, Tony. I know it comes from a good heart. I just think we need to take a different approach.

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Jacquelyn Tran received another defeat as the Ninth Circuit Court upheld a lower court’s ruling against her domain names. EBay will be glad to see her domains depart in favor of a non-offending replacement.

An AP report said the appeals court agreed that the names hewed too closely to eBay’s trademarks, and ordered Tran to find a new domain name.

Tran had argued the names were not imitative of eBay, but evocative of "a bay filled with ships importing perfumes from all parts of the world." eBay felt they were evocative of the long-time online auction and marketplace site, citing potential customer confusion about the site’s name.

Health & Beauty has been an eBay category feature for some time, and a handful of eBay’s sellers deal in perfume. That’s likely one area where eBay saw possible confusion happening, but they have a history of going after other commerce websites with "bay" in their names.

Tran promised on her MakesNoScents blog to continue fighting eBay by seeking an emergency stay of injunction, as well as appealing to the Supreme Court.

This past Monday, we saw one example of cyberbullying in the case of Kathy Sierra – a good synopsis came from Lisa Stone of BlogHer, an organization that has been (possibly / probably unfairly) dragged into the controversy.

Let’s take a step back and get to the basics: this should not have happened. Yes, the blogosphere gives us a sense of anonymity – us in PR have been attacked by an anonymous blog, but none of us have been physically threatened with death (as far as I know), but have had to deal with venomous emails and threats of livelihoods – but it is a false sense, and should not be abused. The truth always comes out, in the end.

And, we have seen the blogosphere get up in arms over gender equality, which has cyberbullied conferences to include women in panels. There is an odd bit of irony there.

We are mostly adults in the blogosphere. Well, "adults" behind a computer giving some people a bigger sense of worth (most likely self-inflated worth, as seems to be the norm in blogs), and there is a lot of testosterone in the blogosphere that comes out in immature ways against women that should not be tolerated.

But, like I noted, we are supposedly adults that should act as adults. In this instance, the adults have lost to the immature and anonymous.

At CommunityNext, I was speaking to three women about bullying and cyberbullying. One of the women is writing her graduate thesis on bullying – both offline and online – and has been spending time in a classroom to research. The other two women work at a childrens’ social network, and we were joking about the bullying of our childhood. My point was that in our school yard days – the more carefree 70′s – that bullying was not necessarily a bad thing, as it hardened us and prepared us for the real world. It was not totally malicious, and while some kids cried, the next day brought the next adventure, and we were all friends. And, well, bullying was always harshest amongst the girls – man, they could get catty. One of the women talked about her experience as a camp counselor, and teasing the children, who valued and sought the interaction from an adult.

But, there is the difference – that was about children. And, children are not equiped to deal with such bullying, and are now being pushed beyond the norm by being cyberbullied on MySpace comments, IM, and text messaged threats. There is no escaping Cyberbullying, as it follows you from device to device – it is the true idea of presence, taken to a horrific level with horrific results. Cyberbullying takes what we did as children, and ramps it up to a whole new level. That "take their cookies" mentality – one that I still subscribe to – is different, as it is not about being tough, but about pushing the other child down in the dirt as much as possible and pushing them over the brink.

What happened is a travesty and embarasing as a male and a long-time blogger. It was an adult-on-adult bullying, but that is the point: we are adults, and should recognize that too big a part of blogging is sandlot bravado. As a PR person, that is part of my counsel to clients: be prepared to defend your line in the sand, and sometimes you need to be prepared to be attacked and defend.

This crossed the line, but are we going to see a backlash where the sentiment is going to be "get a thicker skin"? While that is not the right answer, the blogosphere is fluid, and unfortunately, at times it can be cruel. But, at least we have the hardened years of adulthood, and can sigh a breath of relief that we are not growing up in a world where cyberbullying is the norm.

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The nice folks at Atlassian, the private Australian company that is among the leaders in enterprise wiki software, decided to see if they could figure out why. Obviously, it is in their interest (and that of the other wiki companies, too) to find ways to help customers be successful in their implementations.

It turns out (no surprise) that people working together online have pretty much the same habits and personality quirks that you encounter in real life; which is to say, they behave in ways that range from super positive and reinforcing to downright nasty and demotivating. Because wikis are community efforts their ultimate success depends upon encouraging the former and keeping a lid on the latter.

Atlassian has now launched a public wiki called Wikipatterns.com that focuses on identifying and collecting patterns that help coordinate peoples’ efforts and guide the growth of content, which is the key to wiki success. Equally important, Wikipatterns also collects anti-patterns that might hinder the growth of a wiki, so they can be fixed or avoided.

"The site contains three major strands of content: People patterns and anti-patterns, adoption patterns and anti-patterns, and a walk-through of the stages of wiki adoption," says Stewart Mader, Atlassian’s wiki evangelist. "The patterns and anti-patterns on the site are loosely modeled on the concept of software design patterns – those recurring, recognizable, and applicable patterns of behavior that can be applied to a wide range of situations. For instance, the Magnet pattern recognizes that putting certain content exclusively on the wiki will help people get into the habit of using it regularly; i.e., posting all your meeting agendas and minutes on the wiki establishes it as the place for the most up to date information."

Mader says Wikipatterns.com is intended to give anyone, anywhere, using any wiki software, a source of information for successfully introducing a wiki to their organization. It’s a terrific new resource for enterprise wiki adopters and one that I hope the other wiki software vendors will embrace because it benefits everybody.

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Though some have claimed it’s a hoax viral marketing stunt, the story is interesting nonetheless, and we’re curious if this happened to other webmasters or bloggers. Dean Hunt says it has happened to others, though he didn’t know it until he blogged about his own experience.

Hunt withheld the name of the retailer that contacted him, as well as the keyword in question, causing some to think he made the whole thing up. It is, after all, quite silly.

The subject line of the email read: DeanHunt.com Google Removal Request. That’s alarming on its own. From the retailer’s message:

Incredulous, Hunt sent back a snarky response:

That little bit of sass moved the angry retailer to mention lawyers and involving Google directly. Hunt says he hasn’t heard from the retailer since, but through his blog found out he was not alone.

“Amazingly,” he writes, “I have emails from other webmasters who have had similar threats to this. So it appears that the larger sites are used to using bullying tactics.”

If this has happened to you, please let us know about it by clicking the Contact button above, commenting in WebProWorld, or leaving a message at the WebProNews Blog.

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It also becomes the diary of a madman.

Crook’s most recent tangle involved Rojo founder Kevin Burton, who claimed on his blog that SixApart was complicit to censorship after the blogging company received a DMCA takedown notice from Crook demanding that a thumbnail image of himself from an appearance on Fox News be taken offline. Crook argued his right to do so as the inherent copyright owner of the image (his face, e.g., his copyright).

Fox News has told some members of the blogosphere, who have united in their hatred, mockery, and resistance to Crook, that the cable network has no objection to the use of the thumbnail image.

Not that it would matter if they did, use of the image, as the EFF claims in its lawsuit against Crook, is protected speech under Fair Use. The EFF also says that Crook is abusing the DMCA to silence his critics.

Burton’s DMCA clash with Crook isn’t the first time this has happened, nor is it the first time Crook has wreaked havoc on the Internet. Many have not forgotten or forgiven him for posing as a sexually adventurous girl on Craigslist in order to get men to send him personal information and photos of themselves so he could expose them on a site called Craigslist Perverts.

Crook is also reviled for a website he created called ForsakeTheTroops.info, which landed him an appearance on Fox’s Hannity & Colmes. On the show, Crook intimated that American troops in Iraq deserved to die, and denied the existence of the Holocaust. That video chestnut got his image bounced around the web on blogs from Diis.net to 10 Zen Monkeys to BoingBoing to Valleywag (Nick Douglas begged for a “fake” DMCA notice and got it.)

All of these sites received the notice, written by Crook. Here is an excerpt from it:

Yes, even linking to the image violated his rights, he said.

Crook was successful in a few cases as many ISPs and hosting services seem to have a take-down-first-and-ask-questions-later policy. Not they’re allowed to ask questions, as Crook explains on his new anti-EFF website:

“The sad thing is this: all of this fuss could have been avoided had they simply shut up, asked no questions, and complied with the law.”

But the EFF says no law was violated, and that if allowed to flourish by providers and hosts flinching at every DMCA takedown notice that come their way, then it could have a chilling effect on free speech.

“The Internet is home to passionate debate on countless important issues. It is too bad that some people find the robust exercise of free speech so frightening that they use intimidation to try to silence it,” said EFF Staff Attorney Corynne McSherry in a statement.

“This is yet another case of someone intentionally misusing copyright law to try to shut down legitimate debate on an issue of public interest,” said EFF Staff Attorney Jason Schultz. “…It’s hypocritical for such an outspoken figure like Crook to attack other speakers just because they disagree with him.”

Fark.com had a field day with the alleged copyright infringing image by encouraging its readers to “photoshop”(sorry Adobe) Crook as famous criminals throughout history.

It’s been reported that Michael Crook is an assumed name, in which case he should consider changing it back. That name is mud throughout the blogosphere, and soon, the court system.

For some enlightening details about how Cook was discharged from the military he now maligns, click here.

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A woman posted a question asking for help. When she returned, her post was under a cruel attack by other forum users trying to destroy her reputation, her business and her ambition. Unusual? Not at all.

The truth is, personal attacks happen on the Internet forums every day. Thousands of forum users suffer from verbal abuse each time they are trying to ask for advice. Many times you don’t care about such episodes. Until it happens to you. And now your name or business is under a threat.

Why do people attack on forums? Many times it is because they have a strong opinion about a subject, and want it to be heard. But it only takes one such post to have others jump in and turn an innocent question into an ugly war that is very difficult to stop.

There is a great diversity of views online – many times I am surprised how different people really are in tastes, opinions and reaction! The one reason for debates turning into flame wars is that many people enter a discussion ONLY when they disagree and want to express their opinion. Many people will find a forum boring if everyone agrees. Controversial forums are much more fun and attractive to inquisitive minds of the online users.

Can anyone be attacked on the forum? Absolutely!

When I did a search on the Internet looking for articles on the subject of “flame wars”, I found hundreds of forum messages instead. People are trying to fight flame wars. They complain and ask others to stop. Yet, no solution has been found.

Flaming does not only occur on forums. Discussion groups have their own problem – “trolls”, a common term for a newsgroup bully. Most newsgroups moderators recommend ignoring trolls who once in a while spoil the discussion with their irellevant and abusive messages.

Sadly, people want “blood”. Someone even created a discussion group called alt.flame. It is a forum for every bully that you ever met in your school and if you decide to join, you are certainly not going to be called a “friend”. Prepare to be crushed and humiliated. This group has been specifically created for flame wars and does not claim to be intellectual or informative.

Many forum users agree that a lot of good information and solid advice is missed due to the misrepresentation. You start paying attention to the WAY it is written instead of WHAT it actually says.

The Pew Research Center in their December 1998 survey showed that 45% of online users communicate with other people through online forums, discussion lists and chat groups. 5% of them post every day, and 17% post several times a week.

Online communication has turned our world around by allowing people of all cultures, abilities and means to feel equal and freely express their views. Yet it let out those who thrive on anonymity, abuse and pain.

Are There Solutions?

While there no fool-proof solutions have been found, there are ways to stop or avoid a flame war.

1.In my interview with Dave Brzegowski who is handling abuse reports for Epix Internet Services, I found out that you may report such an attack to the ISP (Internet Service Provider) of the attacker which you can identify by their e-mail address. Such incidents are thoroughly investigated before any action takes place.

2. One way to minimize the number of such attacks is to ask users to register. Every user will need his own ID and password to be able to post. Forum owners, however, are worried that traffic to their web site will drop because people don’t like to go through the registration process.

3. If forum owners are too busy to keep an eye on their forums, a good moderator is a solution. Of course, not too many people are willing to volunteer their time moderating forums, but it is a good chance for them to get their names out, and develop a relationship with their potential customers.

4. Do you know if you are a “forum bully?” There is a good chance that you don’t realize that your posts might make others feel angry and upset. The fact is, you don’t really feel that a message sounds harsh until it is directed toward you. So before you press “Send”, read what you wrote. Use a lot of smiley faces (:-). Be careful how you phrase things and capitalize your words. Try to sound helpful rather than criticizing. State facts rather than emotions.

5. Moderators agree that they are too busy to catch every such attack. It is also hard to draw the line between an attack and a strongly opinionated message. Who should decide? Moderators. The fairness of moderators, though, is totally subjective. Some forum users expressed an opinion that moderators should be voted in and dismissed publicly. If the majority agrees that this moderator is not doing a good job of moderating and being objective while removing attacks on others, he or she should be replaced by someone who is known to be fair. Of course, all of the above is completely up to the forum owner.

6. Some users expressed their willingness to pay an annual fee to be a member of a well-moderated board. When people are paying a fee, forum owners and moderators will feel more obligated to control its atmosphere. A forum should provide a true value to justify the fee, though. If I had to choose, I would probably pick two such forums out of 20 that I visit weekly.

7. Another way to control a forum is to have strict banning rules. After all, if you post an advertisement of your company, the post will be immediately removed and you could lose the privileges to post there ever again. Yet when you are attacked, the attacker is not banned. May be if everyone knew the penalty for attacking or starting a flame war is harsh, there would be less abuse.

If you have been attacked…

While personal attacks can be painful, especially suffer those business owners who have been wrongfully attacked and are worried about their business success. This means they have suffered a business defamation.

To determine if a defamation occurred, go through the following checklist taken from “Online Business Defamation: How to Respond to Cybersmearing” article:

- The statement was published; – The statement referred to the plaintiff; – The statement was defamatory; – The statement was false; – And either: (a) the defendant was negligent in publishing the statement and caused actual damage to the plaintiff’s reputation in doing so; or (b) the defendant published the statement either knowing it was false or with reckless disregard for its truth or falsity.

A “Guide to Flaming” (http://www.heenan.net/flame) outlines over 50 ways to start or aggravate a flame war. Some that were listed are patronizing, sarcasm, threats, cross roasting, generalizations and more. It gives suggestions as to how NOT to get into a flame war or how to deal with someone else attacking you, your credibility or your business.

1. Ask for evidence. If someone frames you publicly, ask what proof they have to support their point. Be sure they have NO proof before you challenge them, though

2. Your self control will enhance your reputation. Before posting a response, wait a few hours. May be someone else will jump in and will help you out in this situation. May be a satisfied customer, or someone who actually knows you and your work. Do not respond to a simple abuse (i.e. where there is no facts or information, but plain insulting comments).

3. Turn flame wars into sales. If your business or your product has been attacked on a public forum, and you feel it is out of control and the moderators are not doing anything to stop it, here is what you could do. Calm down – your business will not be destroyed because of it. Now turn the tables to your advantage: this is an opportunity for you to talk about your business, products and services.

Explain why you think these attacks are false and unfounded. Talk about your company, its integrity and your efforts to make your customers happy.

Those who are in your target market could be so impressed with your presentation that they will go out and order your product! Bad publicity is good for business because it gives you a chance to talk about it. If you can’t fight it, take advantage of it.

If your business has suffered loss due to such an episode of defamation, refer to the “Online Business Defamation: How to Respond to cybersmearing” article for the legal steps to take outlined in the “Checklist for Online Business Defamation Matters” section (http://www.faegre.com/articles/article_414.asp)

No, there are no laws that can fine board owners and moderators for allowing flame wars full of insults and humiliation towards other forum users, in the US or UK, or any other country so far… But clearly, the search for solutions is on the go.

Milana Nastetskaya is a full time web developer and the author of the “65 Instant Web Design Answers”. http://www.instantwebanswers.com