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Stigmata, Jerry Maguire, and Wiener Pics

Today's Funniest Tweets

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Stigmata, Jerry Maguire, and Wiener Pics
[ Social Media]

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the weekend than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Enjoy!

Holy shit, after Tim Tebow got tackled, he started bleeding from his palms and feet! 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Just got my first invite to LinkedIn! My dick is so hard it could cut diamonds! 5 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Is War Horse a re-boot of Saving Private Ryan with a horse? 21 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

I’ve farted so much today I’m almost proud. 24 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

Bettie Page has inspired so many ugly girls to be very very slightly less ugly. 26 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Anyone under the age of 30 who writes an autobiography should be murdered heinously so someone can actually write a decent book about them. 29 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Captain Faggot would be a horrible name for a girl 36 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Netflix is down and now I can’t watch Glee. #firstworldproblems 51 minutes ago via HootSuite · powered by @socialditto

#SNF Ben Roethlisberger is playing Madden 12….he knows his receivers are better than the defense, so he is just throwing sh*t up. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

I rubbed together pictures of John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John and started a Grease fire. 1 hour ago via Favstar.FM · powered by @socialditto

Don’t blame Nick Novak. He just peed on the sidelines. Norv Turner is the one who pissed away the season… #FireNorv 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Brett Favre to the Houston Texans? Cool! Maybe he’ll text me wiener pics! 1 hour ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto

I’d rather have my balls sheared off with a mitre saw than see a movie “from the makers of Jerry Maguire” 1 hour ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto

And Vince Young??? RT @RealSkipBayless AGAIN: All … he … does … is … win … football … games. 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Stigmata, Jerry Maguire, and Wiener Pics
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