@SamGrittner
Sam GrittnerPretty sure the vibration of my iPhone is all I’d need to hear in order to wake up from a coma. 2 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@Rosenberg_Mike
Michael RosenbergSo Fab Melo is out. John Henson is hurt. It’s like everybody EXCEPT John Calipari is vacating this tournament. 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@UncleDynamite
Uncle DynamiteStephen Hawking will appear on an upcoming episode of “Big Bang Theory,” where he will have only the third most robotic voice. 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@rickyvanveen
Ricky Van VeenWant a Bachelor spoiler for every season ever? Here goes… “the hottest one.” 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@LOLGOP
LOLGOPREPORT: Dead air has asked to not be aired during Rush Limbaugh’s show. 17 hours ago via Timely by Demandforce ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@ottosarmydotcom
Otto’s ArmyFab Melo gives the whole “You can’t teach 7 feet” saying new meaning. 1 hour ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@meganamram
Megan AmramOpinions are like assholes: I have two of them 52 minutes ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@FirstWorldLife
First World LifeApple packaging is so nice I have real difficulty throwing it out. #FirstWorldProblems 3 hours ago via iTweet for Android ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@RexHuppke
Rex HuppkeBreaking Jon Hamm/Kim Kardashian War News: Kim hurls her antibiotics at Jon…Jon knocks them out of the air with his handsome. 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@JennyJohnsonHi5
Jenny JohnsonDeciding to watch ‘The Bachelor’ or ‘Jersey Shore’ is like being on the toilet & deciding if you want to puke or have diarrhea on the floor. 18 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@hipstermermaid
braden graeberSiri does the best Stephen Hawking impression. 2 days ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@hipsterproblems
Hipster ProblemsI don’t think there’s homeopathic medicine that treats quinoa poisoning. #hipsterproblems 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@michaelianblack
Michael Ian BlackI just found out Ronald Reagan used a teleprompter. Now I have to renounce my citizenship and join Al Qaeda. 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@robdelaney
rob delaneyI always caress the hand of the person handing me food at the drive-thru because convenience does not preclude kindness. 2 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@mileskahn
mileskahnTurning the homeless into WiFi hotspots is impressive, but what I really want is to turn them into a USB hub. 3 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@clarkekant
Clarke KantJust like the Eskimos have over 50 words for “snow,” the people of India have over 50 words for “diarrhea.” 4 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto