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Stalker News: Enhance Romance With GPS Panties

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Is matrimonial bliss tainted by a sneaking suspicion of raunchy infidelity? Have you been in fits since boys started paying attention to your daughter? If you find that heavy chastity belts are difficult to pick up and more difficult lock to around the women in your life, then Japan-based Panchira Corp., has a product for you-GPS enabled Forget-Me-Not Panties.

Never wonder where she is and whom she’s with again. The new underwear by Panchira has a small flower on every pair that is really a global positioning tracking device complete with heart rate and temperature monitor. The company says the 100% cotton panties took years of research to develop and “help you protect what matters most.”

The embedded global positioning system, powered by a standard watch battery, sends a signal to computers, cell phones, or hand held wireless devices to let you know where she is and how hot she’s getting. Just make sure she isn’t jogging that day.

The panties sell for $99.99 a pair for GPS only, and $179.99 a pair for the “advanced” pair complete with heart and temperature readings. Discounts are available for those who buy in bulk (a set of seven).

Just check out these testimonials:

“When my daughter hit puberty I nearly had a heart attack. She started looking like a woman and suddenly she was wearing revealing clothing and staying out late with her friends. Rather than become an over-protective parent , I decided to try forget-me-not panties.”-David

That’s not overprotective at all.

“My wife and I got married three years ago. Last winter I started suspecting her of cheating. It was tearing my heart out to think of her with another man.In an act of desperation I bought these panties, and boy am I glad I did. It turns out, she was sleeping with her coworker! She was going to a hotel near her office nearly every workday.”-Tim

He didn’t mention that her coworker was a woman.

If you’d like to purchase the high-tech spying underwear, you’ll have to wait. The panties are sold out at the moment.

Stalker News: Enhance Romance With GPS Panties
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  • http://BayAreaBiker.blogspot.com Thomas Bailey

    If I wear this during my long bike rides, people logging on to the website will be quite surprised, riding as far as San Francisco, Gilroy, Santa Cruz, Half Moon Bay, and nearly Oakland. I might want to wear this during the AIDS LifeCycle, which begins in San Francisco and ends in Los Angeles. The heart rate monitor can warn if I’m pushing too hard, and the body temperature monitor can warn of heatstroke or hypothermia.

    • Jason Lee Miller

      Hi Thomas,

      No comment on your idea of wearing women’s panties, but this turned out to be a hoax, part of a viral marketing contest. I’ll update the article so that it’s clear.

      Cheers.