Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Sometimes I read status updates on Facebook and wonder "How am I friends with them?" Then I remember I am not actually friends with them.
Many of the screaming one-word headlines on Drudge or HuffPo would make also great names for celebrity fragrances.
I don't think I'll ever be running-home-from-the-bus-stop-with-a-new-porno-magazine happy again.
Guys, I'm recording the Republican convention, so no one tell me who ends up saying the "N" word first.
Snooki gave birth to a 6lb, 5oz club promoter.
Today is the first day of school for many kids and also the first day many kids will be given the nickname "Pants Shitter".
Be prepared for long concession lines at GOP convention because the Ron Paul delegates pay in gold.
Do you real life meth cooks watch Breaking Bad and scoff at the mistakes, like Doctors do with medical shows?
Obviously, Tim Tebow is not going to let the Jets score until they're married.
Think now that Neil Armstrong is gone, Joseph Gordon-Levitt will stumble into Mission Control and pick up where he left off?
"Jim, tan, laundry." - gay Guido
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results. Anyway, it's a brand new week! Enjoy!