Scathing Obituary Written for Mother

    September 12, 2013
    Lindsay McCane
    Comments are off for this post.

A “scathing obituary” was submitted on Tuesday to the Reno Gazette-Journal. The obituary was written by Marianne Theresa Johnson-Reddick’s oldest children, and has gone viral, shocking everyone who reads it.

The obituary begins by saying: “Marianne Theresa Johnson-Reddick born Jan 4, 1935 died alone on Aug. 30, 2013. She is survived by her 6 of 8 children whom she spent her lifetime torturing in every way possible. While she neglected and abused her small children, she refused to allow anyone else to care or show compassion towards them. When they became adults she stalked and tortured anyone they dared to love. Everyone she met, adult or child was tortured by her cruelty and exposure to violence, criminal activity, vulgarity, and hatred of the gentle or kind human spirit.”

The obituary continues with her children saying that they are “celebrating her passing”. “On behalf of her children whom she so abrasively exposed to her evil and violent life, we celebrate her passing from this earth and hope she lives in the after-life reliving each gesture of violence, cruelty, and shame that she delivered on her children. Her surviving children will now live the rest of their lives with the peace of knowing their nightmare finally has some form of closure.”

Reddick’s children close the obituary by saying: “Most of us have found peace in helping those who have been exposed to child abuse and hope this message of her final passing can revive our message that abusing children is unforgiveable, shameless, and should not be tolerated in a “humane society.” Our greatest wish now, is to stimulate a national movement that mandates a purposeful and dedicated war against child abuse in the United States of America.”

The Reddick children said that they wanted to write the obituary to bring awareness to the severity of child abuse. Patrick Reddick, the second oldest child said during a phone interview: “People may see this as something we did to shame our mother. But this is to bring shame to the issue of child abuse. I want every single person to realize this could be your obituary.” “The things she did to us were horrible,“ Katherine Reddick said. “But it’s still happening to kids every day.”

John F. Maher, the Gazette-Journal’s publisher made a statement in response to the publishing of the obituary.

The obituary you reference was a paid placement that was submitted via our self-service, online portal. It appeared in today’s Reno Gazette-Journal and also online. From the text of the obituary, it is clear that the date of death is inaccurate. The Washoe County Public Guardian’s office has confirmed that Marianne Theresa Johnson did, indeed, recently pass away. We’ve removed the online listing of this obituary as we continue our review of the circumstances surrounding its placement. Once we’ve completed our review, we’ll determine what, if any, further actions are required.

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  • mo garcia

    Where were the teachers, doctors, nurses, coaches, babysitters, neighbors, and other persons who are responsible for reporting suspected child abuse? Surely this came as no surprise to the persons in these people’s lives.

    My experience has been that these people who are charged with reporting child abuse do not. They know that these children will soon move on out of their class and not be heard from again.

    • Cyndi

      Sadly, if you look at the dates Mo, this was back when child abuse was not recognized widely. If we assume she married young as they often did she would have been a mother (I use the term loosely) in the fifties…most idiots, ahem, I mean authority figures looked the other way and just saw it as child rearing. All she had to say was that they were rude, disrespectful, and willful and she would have gotten away with it as discipline. I applaud these children of hers, they turned out wonderfully despite being raised by a monster. More people should do this, maybe, just maybe, it might deter some would be abusers…only some, but that’s better than none!

    • SteelMagnolia

      I took am a product of such a mother in my late 40s. Back when I and this ladies children were young society viewed this type of thing as a family matter, not legal. In my case, I had a few family members who taught me that this was not a normal behavior but they had little power to remove me from the home. My father enabled her by believing the lies she told him reversing what she did by saying that I had done it. These type of ill people are very smart and tricky. She believed him until the day that he walked in when i was 19 and holding her wrists to keep her from hitting me. He said let go, and I said that if I do and she hits me that I will defend myself. I let go and she lunged for me and he just barely had time to step in the middle. I left the house that day and never went back.In later years, dad apologized for not protecting me and we reached a sort of peace between us. Since my mother still blames me and now him, he passed away, that peace is not possible.I no longer have any contact with her and she will probably die alone. People who have not lived it will think I am terrible, but until you walk in my 6 year old self’s shoes…well enough said

      • chris

        I understand.

      • win231

        No one who matters will think you’re terrible. I could have written your story. My mother had four kids. She abandoned one in another country when she was ten months old. Out of the other three, only one attended her funeral – the one who is as insane as she was. I also forgave my father for not protecting his kids from his nutty wife & choosing her over us. Our “mother” made our father miserable in his old age & also hastened his death but ironically, she suffered more disability for a longer period of time than he did. Sometimes there is justice.

      • Rick

        Many women should not be allowed to have children. I read your comments and cry. I am with you. My mother was an evil, manipulative, and malicious narcissist…did everything to destroy my brothers and me. God, what a lier. The physical and psychological abuse was constant. In my case she did brutal things to me as a baby to ‘break’ my spirit. Both my brothers died before their time, abusing drugs and alcohol. I survived by leaving at 14 but endured her abuse whenever I visited ‘home.’ I don’t know the answer to recovering from this…but depression frequently results from childhood abuse. There are effective treatments for that. My heart is with you.

    • Paul

      again i ask (like i asked GEO) what are the rules?

      • Charlene

        Paul, the rules are that if you suspect that a child is being abused, or an elderly person too, you should contact the police or the Dept of Human Services ASAP and explain why you suspect the abuse. It is actually against the law for doctors, teachers, or daycare providers if they don’t report what they suspect. There will be an investigation and your name will not be revealed. Lives have been lost because people did not report their suspicions.

      • http://WEBORONEWA LENNY

        I helped raise 3 children along with my first wife. When I recently got very sick I received a notice from my children that they wanted nothing to do me.

        I have no idea what the problem is because they wont talk to me.

  • http://yahoo maeeeeiie

    If it was the truth they had every right to write it. Good for them. Adults have no right hurting children.

  • Geo

    Wow. I realize that an obituary deals with the deceased in a limited almost narrow way, but I feel like a bit of an explanation should follow. Where was the father and other relatives, school teachers, neighbors, etc. What did the mother do? Maybe if nothing else they can collaborate on a book as a way to help others deal with similar situations and get some sort of financial reward for having to live through it.

    • Paul

      Great question. and one that would not have been said if it were not for the Obit. we need to have discussions like these. what are the rules when a child speaks out to a teacher? and when the parent denies it? what are the rules when a teacher or a policeman suspects?

      • Jim

        Teachers and law enforcement are mandatory reporters. Each state has its own rules on mandatory reporters

  • Mirae

    Too many people don’t want to “get involved.” And situations like this do exist and do continue. My own mother was abusive, as was HER mother, in whose charge my mother conveniently left me for the first 17 years of my life.

    When I was a first-grader, I had so many bruises on my legs that my teacher alerted local education authorities, who sent someone to the house to inquire if those bruises had anything to do with why I had missed so much school. My grandmother told her some story about how “clumsy” I was….I remember the woman looking at me, staring into my eyes for some time. I don’t think she believed my grandmother, but that was the end of the investigation.

    My heart goes out to this woman’s children and so do my respect and thanks for speaking out. It is often the case that those who make the outcry are themselves castigated. It took great courage for this woman’s children to do what they did.

    Our greatest sense of self and security should come first from our parents or caregivers. If we don’t get it there, many of us remain somehow “damaged goods.”

    So, I join them is calling for others to get involved when they even suspect something bad is going on.

    • Vic

      My mom, who was always careful to give the wringing pinches where the bruises wouldn’t show, whipped me when I came home from kindergarten and 1st grade with bruises up and down my legs. She would whip, demanding to know who was kicking me. I dared not name someone, even to save my own hide, because I knew her to be murderous (she talked often of her right to kill me — she’d birthed me and could kill me if she liked). No one was kicking me. The fact was that, having been kept in a crib and playpen from birth until age 3+ and rarely released, I didn’t learn to crawl, walk or climb, and was clumsy and unsteady on my feet (still am).

      • katie

        i was treated terribly by my mum who i still adored for over 60 yrs…
        as of november 2012 i stopped caring..
        she is not a good mum and now i don’t care about her at all..

      • Molly Ryan


        Your story is heartbreaking. I am so incredibly sorry that happened to you. Clearly, you are a survivor. God bless you.

  • anita

    My heart goes out to these people. I have a wonderful mother and never doubted that I was loved. My mother was my first hero. I don’t think anyone can judge the pain or damage inflicted on these people. And I can’t imagine knowing that YOUR MOTHER doesn’t love you. I pray for them and applaud their courage in trying to help others in the midst of their own pain and trauma. God bless you all.

  • http://yahoo michael gadbois

    At age 70 I’m still plagued with nightmares on almost a weekly basis. Not only that, please never open or close the bedroom door when I’m asleep. I wake up in terror just as though I’d been thrown out of a plane at 35,000 feet. Sometimes mothers (even highly educated ones like mine) are devils. PERIOD

    • will

      I, married to an abused wife, cannot understand! but I understand your pain! exclamation 1oxfold. I live it, but not 2 how my beautiful wife experienced it. would like to consuol you!! still dumb founded…….!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • christine marquette

    I want to thank these abused children and adults for exposing the dirty little secret that lurks in many families. Until people stop having children they do not want, this will continue. Only truly wanted children for the right reasons should be born. If that were the case, these stories would be rare.

    • jan lemos

      i agree.it is wrong to abuse anyone including animals.don’thave kids if you don’t want them!also i’m so tired ofpeople killing their babies!if you don’t want them surrender the baby to the hospital,fire station or police.give them a chance to live a happy life with a family that loves them.

  • Carol

    Those adult children have every right to publish that obituary. It is understood that obituaries print the truth about a person. Those children grew up in that horror. I’d say they know what the truth about that woman is. I was thinking of publishing a similar obit because I was terribly abused, too, and my father enabled her behavior by believing her lies, just as another person commented. I had the opportunity to speak with her psychiatrist once and he told me that she was insane and, since my father enabled her behavior by ignoring it, she would never get well. The doctor also cautioned me to stay as far away as possible and, if necessary, to have no contact because she wanted to take over my life like in that movie, “Single White Female.” Shortly after that, she tried to tie me up when I visited. She said she was going to take me to an insane asylum. In her mind, I was the one who was insane because I lived 3,000 miles away and refused to move back to that state. She got my father to help her physically detain me. Fortunately, he realized that what they were doing was wrong before she had a chanced to tie me up. I left and never went back. The old bat is now dead and when I heard, I immediately broke into song, “Ding-dong, the witch is dead!” Some people are not missed and should have died before they were capable of hurting others. The interesting thing is that of the few people who wrote something in her online obituary, not one said anything nice about her. They just wrote innocuous things like, “sorry for your loss,” “thinking about you in your time of loss,” and such. Very telling when you look at other obits where the people say lovely things about the dead person. The Reno Gazette-Journal’s publisher needs to leave that obituary online.They paid for it And it was published in the hard copy of the newspaper. The online version is supposed to be a replica of the print version. Put it back up. It will be an inspiration for other abused children and it will serve as an alert to put abusive parents on notice that this may be how they are remembered.

  • Cheryl

    I don’t blame them for writing this obituary. She sounded like a cruel woman but maybe there should be a little understanding of what happened to her during her childhood. People are like this usually because they suffered the same thing.

    As someone else mentioned, I wonder where the father was? She could have been a single mother or maybe he was there and did try to protect them. Who knows. It sounds really bad so I imagine he was out of the picture. Not easy to bring up 8 kids on your own but many do it happily without abuse so no excuse.

    • Tony

      I’ve heard that abusive parents are simply “passing it on” but that doesn’t explain how I detest any sort of violence even though I grew up with it constantly.

      • Michelle

        I think it’s pretty simple, you chose to break the cycle so you’re family didn’t (if you have children) don’t have to grow up as you did. I commend you for that :).

  • Cheryl

    A couple years ago I was walking down a street and ended up at an intersection. I saw a mother and young child cross the crosswalk in front of me. The mother twice yanked on her arm hard and yelled at her. I was sad because my first thought was, what is happening at home with that child? It could have been the odd moment a parent has when they lose patience with their child, but my instinct told me it was more than that. I hope it wasn’t. It just seemed the mother snapped.

    • Tony

      That type of abuse sometimes is the result of an unwanted child.

  • bob bennett

    If what this says is even close to true, RIH (rest in hell) you old bag.

  • Renate

    In my case it was my father who did the abusing. He was in the Gestapo in Germany (1939-45). After the war he was convicted of being a war criminal. When he got outof jail (he did not serve long enough, in my opinion!!!), he treated us like he treated the people he was supposed to guard in the camps. I told my family members (who still live in Germany) that I would not return to Germany when he died. When he passed away at age 84, nobody shed a tear. Everyone CELEBRATED HIS DEATH.

  • Jeffry P Scudere

    The Woman was a Bitch…..let her roast in hell!!…May God have mercy on everyones soul who was touched by this Scum!!

  • izzalaaa

    I understand and sympathize…many us still suffer in silence.

  • Kevin Higgins

    I thank God that I had one of the best Moms ever. I sympathize with this family and others who go through the same thing, We all know someone like this, let’s just hope it helps the ones in trouble and appreciate the Moms who are GREAT!

  • win231

    BRAVO to the kids for telling the truth. The truth only hurts when it SHOULD!!

  • val

    I witnessed abuse when I was a child myself luckily I was spared due to I bruised easily…. and when I remember what went on I wish I was able to prevent it. I hope for the best for everyone involved in this article and that they recover sooner than later.

  • Tony

    The truth will set you free. Parents like this deserve all the fame they get.

  • Lucas

    This life has cruel circumstances. As a law enforcement officer and now a minister I have observed this kind of cruelty. The only answer is for the abused and those around them to embrace the love of Jesus Christ and let Him help them with forgiveness. I, too, have known mental abuse through the absence of love from a parent(not my biological)and have learned to forgive. My heart goes out for those children who are in anguish and have not let Jesus teach them forgiveness.

    • Patty Clark

      We who have experienced first hand the saving grace of Jesus’ love cannot express enough the miracle of love to heal the hatred and cruelty in this world that defies explanation. I can only say, do not be focused on the bad but be grateful you have been blessed to know the love of God, and the gift of forgiveness. It seems simple, but the answer is the love Jesus talked about, the understanding that peace can began with love and forgiveness, and His kingdom will be our final journey.

    • @Lucas

      Having been in law enforcement, you and I both know that the police and the justice system do not forgive. You also know that the courtroom system is so corrupt in this nation. We have 5% of the world’s population and 25% of the world’s prisoners. We make billions off of the labor of incarcerated prisoners and a major source of funding for small towns comes from arrests, fines, and fees.

      I understand your sentiment, however, let us be truthful. There are many abused people in our prisons and actually many innocent people in prison. Law enforcement does nothing to help those people. Locking up people for decades does nothing to help anyone and actually, does not make society safer in the long run. Law enforcement does not make anything better. It does not have the elements of compassion, mercy, forgiveness, and redemption that Christ taught.

      It is better to speak truthfully about law enforcement, the courtrooms, and the prisons in this nation. I assure you that they are not of God. Not even close.

      You would have been better off just being a minister for your entire life. Because you are exactly right about your thoughts on Christ.

  • russ

    My wife also had issues growing up,but I was raised old style (pick your own switch). In our home ,she explains the cause for punishment which is do and I get to say your grounded. We never hurt our children in anyway.They maybe alittle spoiled but never been to jail or bruised by either of us.

  • Dee Jay

    I applaud these people for writing the truth! My own mother was nutty and my father saw it but didn’t do anything about it. She was also a manipulator. If I would say one thing about her, she would override my concern and she would make people believe the opposite. And she would live as if nothing but “good” ever happened in our house. I caught the worst of it because I am the oldest child. My sister didn’t get as much of it as I did and my brother learned from our mom to blame others for his maladies. She even allowed him to quit school at 16. Me, she couldn’t get out of the house fast enough. Then when she became elderly, I was the one who had to be her caregiver because sis didn’t want mom to “hate her” and brother couldn’t be bothered. Someone should take these posts and make a book about abuse.

    • Molly Ryan

      Amazing idea, Dee! Anybody around in publishing?

  • Caralynn

    I also was raised by a mentally ill and alcoholic mother. My father was in the service and for most of my childhood was stationed abroad. I was 12 when he was discharged, and then they divorced, because he could not tolerate her behaviors either. As this family has written, when I became an adult she also tried to destroy every friendship and relationship I had, trying to get these people fired from their jobs, trying to get them to turn against me. Some of the things she did were so outrageous that when I tell people about them, they don’t believe me.

    I tried twice as an adult to reconcile with her, but the emotional and verbal abuse and manipulation of myself and my family/friends would start up all over again. I finally broke off contact with her when she started to use her tactics against my children. We remained estranged for 23 years. She died in January 2000, and I did go and visit her during the week before she died.

    Often I have wondered about why she behaved as she did, and I can only assume that some kind of trauma must have happened to her when she was young. I have tried to understand and to forgive, and have made some progress, but it would be so much easier if I just understood WHY she was like this. What was it that happened to her that twisted her mind so much?

    I am 65 now, and I’ll never know why she was the way she was, but I still pray for her to have found peace because she must have been operating out of some extreme pain while on earth.

    I wish the family who wrote the obit to find healing and peace, and are able to raise their own families with the love they never had the chance to experience.

    • judy bee

      well said, I wish you peace in your life.

    • Karla

      I must say you are very genuine and could not have told your story any better. I hope your story could change someone else’s life in the way it did yours. This is a complex discussion. Mental illness is very hard to understand and it takes a strong person to live a good life due to having it. May you continue living the way you are. God Bless and thank you for making my day!

  • Rich In Cali

    I lost my mother this year on Feb 26th, and my heart goes out to you all, My Mom was my best friend, she took her last breath at home in my arms, She was 83 yrs old, Grandma to 12, Great Grandma to 37! And to the countless others that adopted her she was Grandma Del. She touched many with her life and her heart, she was confidant, best friend, sous chef and counselor to everyone! People loved her cooking so she was always willing to teach, people always remember her tortillas, tamales and fried chicken! As the baby of the family her and I had a special bond, but there were 5 of us and her and my Pops did treat us different because of the fact you were dealing with 5 personalities, but the love and attention was the same. I know my heart will never recover from losing my mom, or my pops, it has just learned to beat around the broken part. I hope you all find the healing you deserve and the love from within, and be better parents and remember that babies are the most innocent creatures that depend on others to teach them the way of life, reading your posts you have all had divine intervention that taught you this was wrong, you did not deserve it and not to breed it! God Bless You all and remember to tell you “I Love You” everyday!

    • Jason Buffington

      This was an intervention but not from God. Honoring your father and mother is being respectful in word and action and having an inward attitude of esteem for their position. The Greek word for honor means “to revere, prize, and value.” Honor is giving respect not only for merit but also for rank. Hate breeds hate her children who are now adults have hatred and bitterness if they had really had divine intervention it would sound like this.

      “Marianne Theresa Johnson-Reddick born Jan 4, 1935 and died alone on Aug. 30, 2013. She is survived by her 6 of 8 children whom she did not abort and raised as best as she knew how. Thank you God for Using her to give us a chance at life. If her children really understood what abuse does they would have never wrote such things about their dead mother. what will people not do to get 15sec.

      Marianne Theresa Johnson-Reddick R.I.P

      and may God have mercy on your soul and the soul of your hateful children you left behind.
      God exhorts us to honor father and mother. He values honoring parents enough to include it in the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:12) and again in the New Testament: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth” (Ephesians 6:1-3).

      • Barbara

        Are you kidding????

      • Trish

        I understand your feelings, but these children are not ungrateful people, but people who suffered at the hands of the woman who was supposed to care for them. There is no excuse for child abuse, not even the Christian faith. I have a Christian sister who thought it was her job to break the will of a 3 year old, so she hit him continuously with a wooden spoon to break his will to be more obedient. He was obedient to her, but struggles through out life now.

        I say it is none of our business to condemn her children, she already did that. Most of the healing in my life has come through love and tolerance. Try that with her kids. God has their mother.

        • judy bee

          Respect goes both ways and she was the adult and should have know better.

      • Farrah

        I agree that honoring your father and mother doesn’t mean you honor their actions. As I’ve said in a previous reply, bitterness is far more harmful than abuse.

      • Farrah

        I agree that honoring your father and mother doesn’t mean you honor their actions. As I’ve said in a previous reply, bitterness is far more harmful than abuse.

      • michele dihlmann

        ARE You f…kidding is right! you can quote scripture all day long, However, the issue is when are we going to do something about child abuse for real. The states take children out of the home but the parents are rarely prosecuted but instead are allowed to go on and bring more children into the world that they will also neglect and abuse. Sick! I know I also had to live through it!

      • pat

        words escape me for your stupidity and ignorance

    • Farrah


    • http://mige2012 doris

      sorry for mum pray so much

  • mkkms

    I think that woman would have been much better off if she never had any children in the first place.

    • http://google a.m. broderick

      My parents were the best. I wasn’t but they were there for me as well as my two brothers and sisters. I pity and pray for those who weren’t as fortunate as myself and my siblings.

  • Jack

    What’s puzzling to me is that the Father of the children didn’t do anything to protect his children. Perhaps each child had a different Father. If she treated everyone she met similarly to how she treated her children, I’m surprised that she could have found ANY man who would want to have risked having a child by her (ie. sex).

    • J

      Her qualities as a sexual partner might still be attractive to many men, even while she is a very poor mother. Spending an hour naked with a person is very different from growing up with that person.

    • Sean Thorton

      Abusive people can be charming at times. My father had three wives. He verbally and physically abused all three. His side of the family thought he could do no wrong. He was a binge alcoholic.

    • Tammy

      Jack, maybe she was a stressed out single parent like mine was. My dad would come around once in a while, drunk, only to stir the **** pot, creating more grief and drama. His children paid the price. It’s a shame the dad wasn’t able to help those other children.

  • Mark McDonough

    You have to wonder what kind of life the mother had when she was young. I hope the children can end the cycle of pain and fear, and someday learn to forgive.

    • Farrah

      I so agree with you. Bitterness is in my opinion, more harmful than any abuse this woman perpetrated.

      • monarch

        never thought of using a forum like an obit to bring child abuse awareness. They didnt say they didnt love their mother. They just told the truth. My ex husband wouldnt want me to write his obit. it would be full of torture. I have forgiven him however others have no clue why I divorced and think I tore a family apart. Now people know why there was problems in that family. I believe it could have been good therapy. The truth came out

  • J

    There are many reasons for the saying, Never speak ill of the dead. It is a rule that should rarely be broken. This sounds like it might be one of the rare cases. I hope her children can heal and have been successful in not enacting similar behaviors with their loved ones…severe abuse is very harmful to mental health, and our mental health is more fragile than most realize.

    • Greg

      Shut up. I mean, really? I have never understood this mentality where why we eulogize those who have passed away like they were saints when they lived a life of cruelty, neglect, abuse, violence and hatred. If someone was a turd in life, sometimes the best thing that they ever did was drop dead. I say, Good riddance and I, for one, would party like it was 1999.

      • http://yahoo Dan

        I agree with the “turds”, but what’s with partying like 1999?

  • John Pacheco

    When her kid turned 18 they could have left and never seen her again. But they did . there something moor

  • Barry Westfall

    It is just another form of natural selection. Most of us are not born and raised by this extremely sadistic kind of parent. However, some are and no one is the wiser as long as the family does not speak up. None of us are born to perfect parents and some of us have no knowledge of who our parents were. Just as a farmer plants his crop, most of us come from environments that are mostly “normal.” But some “seeds” get too much water and some, not enough, and some end up being eaten alive by the forces of nature and bad luck. Life is pretty much a crap shoot. And the odds are determined by where you are nurtured and what kind of gene code you inherited. God PROBABLY created the universe(s?), but takes no further role in what happens after that. The rest is up to us. We are responsible for our own survival!

  • A

    I understand they want to be the “voice” of abuse because they lived it and that is their decision, but instead of telling everyone what she did or what they went though take a step back and say….Thank you, not for the abuse but for teaching them what NOT to do in life, how NOT to treat people. That is what this mother has done, she has taught her children what NOT to do in life. They lived it, so when they find a partner or have their own children, they are not going to treat them the way they were treated because they know how it feels. By looking at it that way is a better voice for abuse. I didn’t have the greatest childhood, I have seen and went though some bad things, but instead of playing pity for me, I thank god everyday for my childhood because it showed me what NOT to do in life and made me a better,stronger person. I broke the cycle.

    • Josh CruverKibi

      As a counselor, I am going to tell you that there are better ways to teach a person than with harm and cruelty. I counsel people regularly who live abuse as children that do not interpret there negative world well and self destruct for the rest of their lives. This may be cathartic for them express the honest truth of their lives with this woman. This is their way, not yours.

  • Josh CruverKibi

    Not all people deserve tombstones. In fact very few people live a life worth mentioning. But, if this obituary can raise awareness of the cruelty and child abuse perpetrated by parents who should have never been, I say this obituary is worth mentioning. An obituary is supposed to be an honest reflection of what people remember about a person and should not be concerned about the ridiculous superstition of not speaking ill of the dead. It is speaking ill towards the dead and those alive to tell lies about the dead person. If the dead person was a cruel child abusing misery loves company type of person then that is exactly how she should be truthfully remembered.

  • Nancy Smith

    Why does the publisher have to take ANY action? I don’t condemn the children for saying what they did. I hope they were able to say that to the mother while she was still alive. My mother was very similar, although it seems she wasn’t as bad as those children’s mother. I had a miserable childhood and it didn’t have to be that way.

  • jeanette

    I am so sorry for the pain you had to live with. This makes me realize all the more how blessed I was. I was blessed to have the most loving, gentle spirited-mother on earth. She passed away on Sep 10, 2001. I spent Sep 10th 2013 still mourning her loss.

    • stephanie

      Wound here is your salt…..

  • Hmm

    It is interesting that there wasn’t any details about the abuse in the article. The dead person can not defend themselves against the accusations. In the comments section, I can see that many people are outraged, however, really they don’t know the full story because there isn’t more details in the article. People rush to judgment too quickly without knowing all the facts.

    Now having said that — I doubt someone would go to these lengths if they were lying about a situation. There are many terrible women in this world. We don’t talk enough about that. Few women get arrested and even fewer are held accountable for the things they do. Men go to prison for decades for things that women will not even be charged for. Seen it a million times in the courtroom.

    In divorce courts, women get the children 95% of the time simply because of the perception that women are more nurturing and better parents. Nothing could be further from the truth. If this article is accurate, this woman is proof of that.

    • Josh CruverKibi

      The dead person defends themselves by the life they lived. The obituary is the judges verdict on their life. Often stated as fact, filled and determined by the opinion of the writer, but rarely completely honest. If this dead woman was good to these children, it would have not been so scathing. You can atleast trust that the writer did not think highly of this person, if you want an obituary to be in line with court proceedings.

      • @Josh

        That makes no sense whatsoever and you did not read closely what the person wrote because he is right — there isn’t one example of the abuse the obituary alludes to — we are working on limited information.

        Furthermore, a judge or court proceedings was never mentioned in the entire article.

        Lastly, a dead person cannot defend themselves in any capacity —– they are dead.

        • Lloyd

          Josh, if you understood perspective…then it would make perfect sense, to you.

          What he means is… because her children wrote what they wrote… that was the truth… to them. that woman had six surviving children and they all signed it… personally I don’t need any more information… not one of her children came to her defense… what does that tell you?

    • Hmm is an IDIOT!


      This obit was written on behalf of the six of her eight children who survived her passing. So, by that alone, wouldn’t you think that if all of her children came to the same conclusion, which was that she was not only an awful mother but an awful person, then it must be true? My God, you must be an absolutely daft individual in life, who can’t see the forest through the trees. Were you an O.J juror?

      • @Hmm is an IDIOT!

        Okay if I get 6 out of 8 people to sign a letter about you does that make it true? What about the other 2 people and their perspective?

        It is funny —- every one in the world wants forgiveness and mercy extended to them, but no one wants to give forgiveness.

        Also, there was not one detail in the whole article about the abuse. All I am saying is that from this article you are getting one side of the story and limited details.

        That is why America is so messed up. You read a short article and think you know all. You might be right on this one, but my God, how many times were you wrong by not being fully informed?

    • Mercfan

      From this obit, it’s difficult to say if they were affected by a domineering mother or one that physically and mental abusive, because there is a big difference between the two. They do mention torture and violence so I have to take them at their word.

      It’s obvious the Obit was not meant to injury the mom because the mom won’t know anything about this now that she’s dead. If they wanted to let the mom know how they felt, they should have confronted her as adults, could have even brought charges against her (and I know for someone mentally or physically abused, that’s not easy to do).

      If the purpose of the Obit was to bring attention to the issue and education people, then why not have the paper write a companion piece outlining the details. Without details, how can someone else that might be witnessing this type of abuse (the kids never go outside the house except for school, always have bruises, look too thin, etc) identify it and come forward?
      The obit mentions there were others outside the family, where are their stories?

      Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying these people weren’t abused, but it would have more of an impact with more details.

      • Hmm is an IDIOT!


        Obits by nature are vague. We see regularly how someone was called a loving Grandfather/Father/Husband/Friend, but we don’t see examples of why they were those things. If you were to do this, the obit would be never ending. The same thing goes for those who served this country. There are many instances where someone has received the Bronze Star or Purple Heart, and you won’t know the reasons why, even when the story is steeped in heroism. Obits tell only a fraction about a person, and they’re nothing more than a tool to get word of mouth out there about a person’s passing.

        I’m sure a major news organization will jump all over this story eventually, and we will hear more from the siblings and what went on all of those years.

    • Egg Foo Young

      I am going to ignore you obvious misogyny, but the reason women get the kids 95% of the time is dad is gone and doesn’t want them. If men wanted their children so much they would pay child support and visit. When they don’t, the blame the mother. I doubt that you have lived long enough to see things happen in court a million times, and your statistics are wrong. 80% women 20% men. When the man contests custody he usually gets the kids because he has more money and can give them a better life style. And he usually has a mother, sister or girlfriend who will do childcare and help him. Mom usually doesn’t.

  • Hab

    I am glad we have freedom of speech.

  • Perspective

    I have a friend who is serving 15 years for having consensual sex with an underage girl. The girl fully consented and did not even press charges —- the state did. Nothing was forced and there was not any violence. The only issue in the whole situation was the difference in ages. The man was raped in prison, will have to serve his full sentence, and will be labeled as a sex offender. He literally has never harmed a soul in his life and the girl he had sex with writes him to this day in prison. Out of a situation where no one was harmed, we harmed a man for the rest of his life. We call that justice.

    Yet, every day there are real cases of violent child abuse that go ignored in this nation. We mask it by calling it “disciplining” the child or “teaching” the child to respect authority. We call it the old school approach to parenting.

    There needs to be more of a dialogue on what is actually child abuse in this nation and to hold real abusers accountable because I assure you that there many abusers walking the street who we think are wonderful people. There are many people in prison who we think are awful, who in all actuality, have never harmed a soul. We need more common sense in our laws.

    • Sue

      Do you not understand that underage girls DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO CONSENT? That’s the point of the law–the adult (your friend) is supposed to do what the underage child can not–know right from wrong, know the law, and NOT HAVE SEX WITH A CHILD. A child can not consent. That is justice. Tell him to have sex with someone near his own age!

      • @Sue

        The reality is she did consent. They were together for well over 4 years. She chose to do what she did — just like she is choosing to still write him.

        I understand that legally they do not have the right to consent, but I assure you that she made the choice out of her own free will and is freely choosing to be in his life to this day.

        The man has never harmed a soul in his life. She knows this. Go tell her that she didn’t consent and she will tell you otherwise. She will tell you that she knew exactly what she was doing.

        • Ryan

          “They were together for well over 4 years”

          So an adult was “together” with an 11 year old? And you dont see this as wrong? What 11 year old has the ability to make adult decisions?

          He deserves what he gets

          • @Ryan

            Yes, they knew each other for 4 years. Over the course of those 4 years they became friends and fell in love. The physical part of the relationship did not start until right before she turned 16.

            You are reading a lot into what I typed and trying to be extreme.

          • pat

            You are an Idiot, A 11 or a 15 CANNOT consent of having sex to a adult, they do not have fully developed brains yet. So sorry for your friend who is paying the price for not keeping his D in his pants. If they had such a connection he could have waited until she was a adult
            Just curious where are her parents in this all and what does this has to do with t his story to begin with

        • Terry

          So, the relationship started when she was 11 and they were “just friends”… she was being groomed by him. He deserves what he got and I hope she gets help some day. You never say how old your “friend” is and I suspect that is because he is probably a lot older than she is… older than what would be even remotely acceptable to most people.

          Your arguments sound like things a pedophile says to try to justify their twisted view. Your argument in other posts where you try to compare a 15 year old who commits a crime to this 15 year old girl is ridiculous. The 15 year old who robs a store is the CRIMINAL in the situation. They need to face consequences for their actions because they harmed someone else (even if they did not physically harm anyone, they emotionally harmed them by robbing them) The 15 year old girl in your story was a VICTIM even though you claim to not think so. She does not need any consequences for being a victim.

          The last part of the brain to develop in humans is the part that links consequences to actions. That is why a minor cannot consent to sex. They cannot fathom the plethora of things that can result from that decision. They are also able to be manipulated and “groomed” by adults and not know it. A 15 year old who commits a crime is also not able to conceive what can result from their actions, but because they cause harm or loss of property, they sadly must face the consequences of their actions, no matter how old they are.

      • @Sue

        Sue, I know the woman and I was in the courtroom when she told the judge that she fully understood what she was doing. If you go talk to her right now, she will tell you that she knew exactly what she was doing.

        I do not care what the law says. I know what the woman said. She stood up before all parties and firmly said that she knew what she was doing. That she simply made a choice. You are talking about a person you do not even know and then telling that person they cannot consent even after they themselves said they were fully aware of what they did.

        Why is it so hard for you to believe that people simply make choices in life? Why is it so hard to understand that it is wrong to create harm out of a situation where no harm was done? This woman was not scarred for life — hell she still writes the man and likes him to this day. She wasn’t a victim. She made a choice.

        • rmb


          So she made a choice. So did he – and as an adult, I am pretty sure he knew having sex with a 15 year-old is AGAINST THE LAW.

          I don’t care if she stood up for him, still writes to him or even marries the guy one day. What HE did was wrong and he is being punished for it as he should have been.
          Her consenting has NOTHING to do with the law he broke. Period.

          • @rmb

            Yes and we know that the law is just all the time and in every situation.

            One should follow you around for a day and see how many laws you break and how you should be accountable for.

          • @rmb

            The law and morality is to different things.

            It is not moral or right to cause harm to a person out of situation where no one was harmed.

            Too many people, who are holier-than-thou, hide behind the technicalities of the law. Funny thing is behind closed doors many holier-than-thou people are doing all the law breaking.

          • Pete

            I don’t care what you…or the law says. In some cases…they need to stay out of it and use common sense. My grandmother was married at 15 and had my mom at 16. Grandpa was 20 when they married. They raised 5 children and were married until death. I dated a girl when she was 16…and i was 20. We married when she was 18. We were together 23 yrs….raised two sons…so…there ARE exceptions.

        • http://Yahoo Peanut

          It appears you believe an 11 year old has the experience and the maturity to decide she is “in love” with someone older. She WAS a victim. So many children (and adults) are so desperate for “love” they snatch at anything and anyone. I do not know if the woman was abused at home but it certainly sounds as though she was. And, 18 is not some magical age. It simply means you should have enough maturity by then to make informed decisions. Very important that word -“informed”. I don’t know what you mean by “scarred for life”, however, I hope this person you know seeks counseling before she becomes a statistic for domestic violence.

      • @Sue

        Is it that hard to believe that people simply make choices in life?

        When I was underage, I dated an older woman. I fully knew what I was doing. I wasn’t harmed at all. I don’t care what the law said. I am telling you what the truth was.

        Looking back on it, if that woman would have got in trouble, it would have been a tragedy because I really did know fully well what I was doing. I made a choice.

        • rmb

          That’s exactly it – you said a mouthful.

          “…I don’t care what the law said…”

          You knew the law but willing broke it, as did this man in prison that you speak of.
          Just because you make a choice to do something doesn’t mean you should be free of consequences!!!

          • rmb

            I made a decision and actually did not break the law. I knew what they law said — that I could not consent at that age — but the TRUTH is that I did consent.

            We did not do anything illegal, but if we had, the realities are that I knew what I was doing despite what the law said. It says legally I couldn’t consent but in reality I did. I knew full well what I was doing.

            There was no consequences to be accountable for because nothing happened. In fact, if she would have gotten in trouble I would have been the guilty party because I fully knew what I was doing.

            Does that make it more clear?

      • Lloyd

        Yet she could have consented to an abortion…. I’m just saying

      • @Sue

        There are 15 year old boy serving decades in prison for crimes that they committed because people argued vehemently that they knew fully well what they are doing. That they are capable of making a choice.

        Yet, when an underage girl consents to sex and no one is harmed, people like you argue vehemently that they do not know what they are doing. That they are not capable of making a choice.

        Such a double standard. You can’t have it both ways.

        • pat

          if a child is in prison for murder yes everyone should know that killing someone is wrong
          You obviously have had a experience in ” breaking” the law and have your own opinion about age of consent in sex.
          and they only reason you post it is to stir the pot without facing real people in real live conversations that are not part of your circle of friends.
          You are a moron in my option who will never change his onion no matter how wrong it is

          • @Pat

            Aren’t you the prison guard from above?

            So far you have said you know what the victim was thinking — even though you never have met her.

            Now, you are telling me what I am thinking and you don’t even know me.

            Above, you told the other commenter what he or she was thinking and you don’t even know them

            Do you notice a pattern of how you make things up in your own head? You are crazy.

      • @Sue

        My son is serving a 10 year sentence for robbing a convenience store. He was 15 when this happened and just as impressionable.

        Why is no one arguing for him that he was not able to make a proper decision? After all, he was just as young as the girl is.

        Either teenagers know what they are doing or they don’t. You can’t cherry pick situations.

        • pat

          cool family/////////

          10 years means a weapon was involved
          woah you are a great parents

          • @Pat

            No weapon was involved. Laws differ from state to state. M

            Actually, I love my son and he loves me. No one in my family had ever had trouble with the law up until that point in time. He had never had any incidents with the law before that and got caught up in the wrong crowd.

            You are very naive as to how the legal system works. I would also love to look into your family history. I am sure we can find many things you have done wrong.

      • @Sue

        Yet teenage girls are allow to consent to abortion every day in this nation. They can freely make the choice to end a life, but not jump in bed?

        You can end a life —- the most harmful thing you can ever do. But apparently having sex where no one is harmed at all — is morally wrong?


        • Mercfan

          And that’s the reason for the parental disclosure laws. So these girls aren’t having abortions without discussing it with their parents first. They don’t discuss it with their parents (adult to adult) on their own because they afraid of dealing with other adults (because they aren’t adults yet). This proves why we have laws about statutory rape and abortion parental disclosure laws. That’s also why when states try to drop the disclosure laws, why parent fight to keep them.

      • Today’s World

        What do we see in the news every day? We have teenagers stabbing elderly people because they are bored, teenagers using drugs like crazy, teenagers having sex like rabbits, young girls purposely going after sex with older men, young boys purposely plotting to kill people, teenagers stealing cars for kicks, teenagers fighting over race, now we have teenagers stabbing over race and heck, I just saw a story on how steroid is rampant at high schools.

        Yet we try to convince ourselves that our teenagers are “children” and cannot consent to sex.

      • @Sue

        If people actually knew how awful prison was they would not be so quick to send people there especially when the “victim” clearly states that she was not a victim.

        My grand parents got married at 22 and 14 and were together for their entire lives and loved each other dearly. My best friend got pregnant at the age of 14 by a guy who was 15. Dating someone your own age does not necessarily make your life better.

      • Egg Foo Young

        In principal I agree with you. However there is a case I remember where the boy turned eighteen and he was charged at that time. She was seventeen and they had been dating for two years. They married after he got out of prison. Be fore you judge to harshly, you might want to ask a few questions.

    • ambition

      @Perspective. Are you kidding me? Your comparing apples and oranges. First of all spankings and physical abuse are not the same. I would rather spank my kid for trying to stick a fork in a light socket and explain the reason behind daddy doing it then allowing him to get hurt. Secondly, your “friend” is right where he needs to be if he is having sex with underage girls, and he is still a clown who hasn’t learned anything if he became penpals with her while he is in prison

      • @Ambition

        She chooses to be in his life. She was never harmed at all. There was nothing for the man to learn because he treated her great. He is also far from a clown. Look how many women have sex with guys their own age, get pregnant, and then are left by the guy. Those guys are clowns.

        You don’t even know the people you are commenting about.

      • Lloyd

        I think that sex with a child is despicable. It steals any sense of trust a child has and ultimately leaves them with a sense of self doubt…I know this from experience. That said I think we have to define child, 15 years old is not a child… not an adult but not a child.

        I think that society does itself a disservice when we deny reality. Our laws are made to make certain groups of people feel morally superior…We need to feel that are children are pure and virginal and the truth is most are not…have you seen the teen pregnancy rate? It would be better for our children; if we prepared them on how to handle these situations before they happen… so that we know whether or not that 15 year old was capable of making her own decision.

        Anyone that can’t see that the legal system has done more damage to that girl by putting her under tremendous guilt than that man ever did… is selfish, self-righteous and just mean.

    • Mercfan

      @Perspective – I hear what you are saying. What you are talking about is statutory rape. The girl or her family doesn’t have to press charges. Regardless of what she says, legally she can’t give her consent because she is too young to make that decision –that her feelings can be manipulated by an older man (or woman) and be taken advantage of. I know if it were my daughter, it wouldn’t matter if she agreed to it or not.

      Now, you didn’t mention the age of your friend. I think if your friend was 18 and the girl was 15, then judge should be allowed some discretion in sentencing him but if the man was 20 or older – then he knew the law and decided to break it anyway – I don’t feel sorry for him. If he really loved her, he could have waited until she turned 16.

      It’s unfortunate that he was raped in prison – I don’t understand why that type of behavior is allowed in prison – just because that person committed a crime – doesn’t mean crimes should be allowed to be committed against him just because he’s a prisoner. The wardens can stop that behavior by punishing the perps.

      However, it’s too soon to say if she was harmed because she could experience physiological effects from this later in life. But let’s hope she doesn’t.

      • @Mercfan

        Most people have no clue what prison is like. Prison is the most brutal place on earth other than the battlefield. Only the worst of the worst should be sent there. If more people knew, they would not be so quick to send people there or to say things like —- well the law is the law.

        She wasn’t harmed. She actually finished college, leads a normal life, and is about to get married.

        You know what hurts her the most? Realizing that a man who never harmed a soul is suffering so much and she can do nothing about it. I cannot tell you how often we talked and all she could say was that she knew exactly what she was doing and she is no where near a victim.

        That is actually what is killing her. To know that a person who never harmed a soul is being harmed.

        • Mercfan

          Then you just proved my point. This was only about sex because if they had any real feelings for each other, she wouldn’t be getting married to someone else right now and would have waited for him to get out of jail and she is feeling regret right now because his actions.

          • @Merc

            I didn’t prove your point and you don’t even know the people you are talking about —- I do.

            You live a dream world. A 15 YEAR sentence is a lifetime and it is incredibly SELFISH to ask a person to wait for you. He cared about her so much he told her that she should go find happiness.

            You are an ass and don’t understand the realities of life.

            15 YEARS is a hell of a long time to wait for a person and he might not even make it out of prison alive after that.

        • Mercfan

          You say I’m living in a dream world? There is a reason why the judge and jury doesn’t know the people involved with crimes. They need to apply the law based on the facts and the law. That’s why they exclude people the know the accused and the victim.

          AND YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME, assuming I don’t know how brutal prison can be.

          • @Merc

            You are delusional.

            You just got done commenting that the two people didn’t love each other and you don’t even know the people. Heck, for all you know I could have made everything up.

            You have no clue what are talking about because a 15 year sentence is so long that only the most selfish person in the world would ask another to wait for them. The most self-centered selfish person in the world.

          • pat

            gee prison is about punishment
            a> i know people in prison
            B. I worked in prison

            It aint fun it not supposed to be, make bad choice there are consequences….
            he was a adult she was a jung teenager, keep in in your pants and wait or pay the price.
            15 years means there is a lot more to the story that you are telling( ah i don’t care to hear the rest…)
            She is regretting something who know what, it was wrong simple as that if you like it or not

            And if you post then expect people to react and to respond

          • @Pat

            If you worked in a prison, then you know that people working there are some of the worst people on the planet.

            They kill inmates, start fights between inmates, use inmates for sex, deal drugs, cover up murders of inmates, set people up, steal from inmates and are generally, some of the scummiest people alive.

            The last person you would ever want as a friend is someone who works as a prison. They are twisted individuals.

            You are a prime example. You are telling the world what a girl that you don’t even know and have never talked to thinks. Even though she herself would tell you that you are wrong.

            That is the warped mentality of a prison employee. They think they are God and know everything.

            How many things did you cover up while you are were working at your prison? What would happen if we started asking you questions while you were hooked to a lie detector?

          • pat

            I guess you know everything and everybody else is a moron
            A> Many prison guard/Police offices etc are decent human beings but then there are people who work in prison that should rather be in prison.

            B> You also don’t know me or know how i worked within the systems or what my work exactly was

            C. In all your talking NEVER you stated the age of your “friend” even after being asked over and over again.
            So people Make assumption passed on their own experience and background when one reads someone opinion..

            So ..f…..y

      • Egg Foo Young

        Rape is condoned, even encourage in prison because it makes the guards job easier. If they prey on each other, they leave the guards alone. It is not about sex but about power and control. All American men bear some responsibility for this. When you are young you use the language of sexual domination against each other, call boys who don’t measure up gay, are largely homophobic, condone sexual abuse of young boys, unless it is done by a priest, which I don’t get, you are obsessed with anal sex,and when you don’t like what someone says you bring it up as if that settles the argument. Look at the comments on Yahoo. It is constant! What to do about it? Don’t tolerate it in your world, and teach your kids it is wrong, and get after the schools. And good luck.

    • dd

      So if she were 8 and consented it would be ok? UNDERAGE MEANS WHAT IT SAYS. Wait til she’s 18 you ignorant azz!

      • Mercfan

        @DD – I agree with your sentiments, but in most states the age of consent is 16 not 18. Which makes this all the more horrible. If they met when she was 14, he couldn’t have waited 2 years?

      • @DD

        Don’t you think that is a little ridiculous. It is easy to make a ridiculous, extreme statement and defend it.

      • Lloyd

        Are you really trying to compare an 8 year old with a 15 year old?

      • @dd

        Why stop there DD …. why not drop the age to a 2 year old?

        Come on. There is a vast difference between an 8 year old and a 15 year old. Most 15 year olds are bigger than their parents nowadays.

        This is not the 1950s anymore. Our teenagers are doing everything adults are doing.

    • Mick

      you’re condoning rape? you’re friend, the ped, hasn’t harmed anyone? the under age victom could have been urged to wait until she matured, unlike your friend. however, you did say he was raped in prison… instant karma will get you

      • @Mick

        Going to extremes aren’t we and now telling me what I am condoning?She wasn’t harmed and is not anywhere close to being a victim. Go talk to her yourself since you apparently know the people I am talking about.

        There is not such thing as karma and his rape had nothing to do with what he did. People get raped all the time in prison. That is what happens when you lock people up for decades and lifetimes.

        • Dan C

          I have read all these comments. Since you feel so strongly for your friend, why don’t you publish his age? I have a feeling that he was older then 20. And if he was, then you are wrong. He did harm her.

          Here is the truth, he met her when she was 11. He gained her trust, and when she was 15, they had sex. Sorry, but, that is not acceptable, not even in the early 1800’s was that okay. Unless he was 18 and she was 15, I don’t buy it. He talked her into having sex, and she may have agreed, but, who brought it up? Everything you have said implies that he TALKED HER into it, and that is why she can’t consent to it.

          As an adult, we have to be the one with common sense. Sure, there are plenty of cases of people dating underage people, and that doesn’t mean crap in today’s world. In the world we live in today, that is not legal, NO EXCEPTIONS, except in the case of similar ages (18 and 15).

          Your friend made a poor choice, and he should have known better. Tell me, if he was soooo in love with her, why not wait till she was 16, 17 or 18? Why not wait? Why not wait until she was legally capable of making that choice? The simple case is that he was attracted to her when she was 11, watched her grow into a young woman, and desired her. And that is the problem that I have. That is not the mark of a good person who “fell in love” with a younger person. He desired her at an age that is just plain wrong.

          • @Dan C

            This is why America is so messed up.

            Dan you just created a dream scenario in your own mind and just told everyone that it was the TRUTH.

            Everything you wrote is so far from the truth and is wrong.

      • Lloyd

        Mick I hear you…but didn’t the judge do more harm by forcing this girl to live with the guilt of having played a role in someone’s life being destroyed?

        What you seem to misunderstand is that the girl is mature… maybe not legally but she is mature… the fact that she is still in touch with the guy …tells me that.

        Our laws regarding this subject make no sense, they are rooted in a sense that sex … all sex is bad and that people shouldn’t do it; so we act as though good people don’t have sex… they do… and now taxpayers are paying about $35,000 a year to feed, cloth and house someone convicted of a victimless crime. that is just plain dumb.

      • Egg Foo Young

        Perhaps you should go to Yahoo. Your tone and attitude are not really as mature as the rest of the people here. If you can’t talk without calling names, you don’t belong here.

    • http://franceypants Francey

      The point is that an adult is supposed to know right from wrong and act accordingly, not to take advantage of a situation. There is an age of consent and it is illegal to have sex with anyone under that age, male or female. Now he will be having sex with the appropriate age-with men in prison.

      • @Francey

        He did not take advantage of the situation. The girl even said he did not take advantage of the situation.

        Why wont people actually listen to the person involved?

        People like you just make things up in your head and believe your own thoughts. Why not listen to the person involved?

    • http://franceypants Francey

      The point is that an adult is supposed to know right from wrong and act accordingly, not to take advantage of a situation. There is an age of consent and it is illegal to have sex with anyone under that age, male or female. Now he will be having sex with the appropriate age-with men in prison.

      • Lloyd

        Francey, who is right and who is wrong when we disagree?

    • Jack Ree

      Your friend is a disgusting pig.

      • @Jack

        I am glad you know him so well. Tell me, how long have you known each other?

        Or should I just judge your life without even knowing you. Lots of hypocrites out there.

    • Perspective

      Amazing. I wrote a short three paragraph comment and I have all these comments from people telling me how people they don’t even know think. There are even some people telling me what I think. Some people are even making extreme comments and making up information about a situation they don’t even know about.

      This is exactly what happened in the courtroom. The girl gets up in court and tells the entire world:

      I am not a victim.
      I knew what I was doing.
      I fully consented.

      Do not end this person to prison.

      Yet, every person with an agenda, told her she didn’t. They told her what she thought.

      • ambition

        So what’s her age again? You fail to ever mention that

      • ambition

        So what’s her age again? You fail to ever mention that

      • ambition

        So what’s her age again? You fail to ever mention that

      • ambition

        So what’s her age again? You fail to ever mention that

    • Perspective

      Amazing. I wrote a short three paragraph comment and I have all these comments from people telling me how people they don’t even know think. There are even some people telling me what I think. Some people are even making extreme comments and making up information about a situation they don’t even know about.

      This is exactly what happened in the courtroom. The girl gets up in court and tells the entire world:

      I am not a victim.
      I knew what I was doing.
      I fully consented.

      Do not end this person to prison.

      Yet, every person with an agenda, told her she didn’t. They told her what she thought.

    • Perspective

      Amazing. I wrote a short three paragraph comment and I have all these comments from people telling me how people they don’t even know think. There are even some people telling me what I think. Some people are even making extreme comments and making up information about a situation they don’t even know about.

      This is exactly what happened in the courtroom. The girl gets up in court and tells the entire world:

      I am not a victim.
      I knew what I was doing.
      I fully consented.

      Do not end this person to prison.

      Yet, every person with an agenda, told her she didn’t. They told her what she thought.

    • vernon

      look, how old was this man when he slept with the 15 year old? Over 20? Then yea, he’s a pedo, no matter what she says.

    • Molly Ryan


      I agree with you, certainly to the degree to which it is true that there certainly are – and always have been -innocent people in prison who never deserved the life there they now have. You are right about there needing to be more common sense at work in our legal system. I do not comprehend how your post received so many down votes.

  • carole

    I too had an overbearing, domineering and destructive mother. She was a horrible mother to me. My life would have been so different if I had the kind of mother I am. I changed it all for my children. That is the only good that came out of my childhood. It is almost refreshing to see someone write the truth.

    • Brenda

      Couldn’t agree more. Telling the truth will set you free. Being a parent is not a free pass to respect. It still must be earned.

    • Terri

      They say that you always learn something from your parents: It may be how to live and it may be how NOT to live. Glad you came thru it.

    • Pat

      Thank you, Carole. Just because someone gives birth to us doesn’t mean we need to honor their presence on this earth when all they did was make our childhood a living nightmare and our adulthood one cloaked in shame. I applaud these children for speaking the truth. Child abuse takes many forms, but none of them are acceptable.

  • Bob Pannone

    Don’t know the details of this obituary, but, if these issues had been addressed while the woman were ALIVE, it would have made much more sense. This comes across as the epitomy of passive-aggressive behavior. Talk about kicking someone while they’re down; in this case SIX FEET DOWN! It would have been nice if their mother were alive to defend herself.

    • Jack Ree

      Bob Pannone- I’d like to shove my foot up your ass.

      • Steven

        When someone has died who you didn’t like, maybe it’s best not to say anything at all. WWJD?

        • http://Yahoo Dave

          WWJD? Well, if the daughter is telling the entire truth and I firmly believe she was telling the truth about the ways her mother was toward her own children; then Jesus has already dealt w/that mother,and I really doubt she needs a sweater where she is now.But, I am NOT to be the one to judge her life and her actions; but I still believe in Freedom of Speech in this country, moreover I feel real sympathy for the surviving children;they will relive and suffer the memories the rest of there Lives and I know from first hand experience exactly how they feel;IT IS NOT MUCH FUN TO RELIVE THOSE MEMORIES. When the editor removed the ad from the online obits he showed HE thinks he has more power or rights than the daughter trying to share their experiences w/the World. GOD bless that daughter and the rest of the children.

    • Biff Tannen

      Bob – How do you know it WASN’T addressed when she was alive, possibly dozens or 100’s of times?

  • Tiffany

    We all have our boo-hoo stories, but the issues should have been addressed while the mother was still alive. I understand the feelings of the person who wrote this, though. I survived my mother’s neglect. She married 5 men and cheated on every single one of them. I grew up trusting no one and lived in fear that anyone I got close to would cheat on me or leave me. You have to embrace being an adult and being free from all of this. You have to learn to look back at laugh at all of the misfortune, or else you’ll never get through the rest of your life.

  • Bill Meers

    Pretty sure I read this several years ago. If not, then practically the same thing.

  • Mel

    Though this is shocking, it is an excellent way to support a movement toward ending child abuse. Some of the comments here refer to the idea that this should have been addressed when the woman was alive. There is nowhere in this article that states that there was no attempt to do this. I am also assuming that these adult “surviving” children grew up in a time (50’s-60’s-70’s)when neighbors and family members did not believe it was their place to interfere. There are still those who feel this way. Children, and the elderly, are a minority. We must stand up for them….I am so happy for these people….That they have/are taking the opportunity to make things better for children who are here now….Children are the future…We need to be alert and help them to grow mentally, emotionally and physically strong foundations. If a shocking letter is uncomfortable for some…well isn’t that just too darn bad. Perhaps if obituaries like this were common, in terms of honesty, people would feel more accountable for their secret legacies…..

  • http://yahoo Janice

    Good for you!! Your mother made her bed, now she is lying down on it for eternity..

    • Isabel Sinton

      God for the Reddick children! If my mother wasn’t dead, I’d send the article to her.

  • honeybunch

    The truth will set you free. I had the same kind of mother. I wish I had thought of that when she passed, instead of just the name and dates etc. Good for them for being truth tellers. If more adult children spoke up people would understand how rampant this kind of behavior still is in this country. Little children are afraid to speak out because of threats they have been told and they think the devil they know is better than the unknown.

    • Egg Foo Young

      Children don’t speak up because they love their parents and because what ever you have is normal. That is why it is important for all of us to be vigilant. It’s that takes a village thing.

      • Patti

        That’s pretty much the way I feel. For posting MY OPINION, I got blasted with thumbs down responses. I don’t, and never will, condone abuse of any kind, whether it’s to a child, an adult, or an animal. From here on out, I can only wish those people the best in life. As long as they choose to dwell in the past, they limit what that best is or will be. That’s a pity. Like I said earlier, life is too short.

        Egg Foo Young, I’ve enjoyed your level-headed responses. Since the vibes here are so negative and energy draining, I’ll leave everyone to their “party,” and wish you the best.

  • Anthony A.

    Odds are that these issues WERE addressed when this woman was alive. My wife comes from this type of environment, and I’ve had a front row seat for countless attempts at reconciling, talking, and “moving on”, none of which that actually did any good. If this woman was anything like my mother-in-law, there is something missing from her mind on a fundamental level, that deprives her of the ability to see how her actions are the problem, to understand that she’s the one doing wrong, that she’s the one making no effort to change her way of thinking and processing things. No matter how many times someone figures out a new way to approach that kind of person, it will make ZERO difference. Eventually you get tired of beating your head against the same wall over and over again, and you just have to learn to ignore/separate yourself from the situation as a means of self-preservation. If that person doesn’t cooperate with your attempts to do this, and it sounds like this woman never did, it NEVER ENDS until someone dies. In general terms, we always hope that people can take the high road, but there are some rare times when the high road is the wrong road. If this is what will help the children of this woman, more power to them. I hope they can finally begin to heal.

    • Manfred

      Clearly, some states have to change their laws, Not every young adult matures at the same age.
      What’s with the magical age of 18.

      Same with alcohol, kids are allowed to join the military, but are not allowed to drink a glass of beer in a bar.

      Just my 3 cents worth.

      • Kathy

        I remember when 18 was still considered to be a child. The year I turned 18 was the year the law changed to make us adults. The primary reasoning was that we were sending children to war. (This was at the end of the Viet Nam era) I do agree, if we’re sending 18 year olds to war, then they should have some say in who gets to make decisions on war.

        At the time, the drinking age was also lowered, though it varied from state to state on who could drink what. In Ohio, from 18 through 20 you could only have 3.2 beer. Other states were different.

        The drinking laws changed pretty quickly because of the increase of alcohol related deaths in that age range.

        Anyway, that’s the history of how “18” became the magic number.

        • Egg Foo Young

          I remember! I was 21 when it happened. The expectation was that all those 18 to 20 kids would vote, and some people feared they would all vote liberal. Turned out that they voted just like their parents. California did not change the drinking age. We had a smarter legislature then.

    • Truth Is

      You cant reason with the devil.

    • Egg Foo Young

      Sounds like a personality disorder of some type. Often rooted in childhood abuse. It is sad, but there is only so much you can do with a person like that. They really don’t see that they have done anything wrong because they are not connected with people like most of us are. We are not quite real to them, more like extensions of their self, needed and useful and subject to anger and blame when we don’t do what they think they need or want. At some point you just have to walk away. Remember she did not make herself that way on purpose. It eases the pain because it really isn’t personal. At some point, you need to quite trying.

      • carole

        it has been said well. One cannot tell a bad mother the truth. they can’t accept it.

  • Rick

    For those of you that say the issues should have been addressed when the woman was alive…do you think they didn’t try? How does a person like this, torture you and anyone you try to love, without you getting back in their face as an adult telling them to go away? You can’t argue with Krazy. You can’t deal with the devil. You can only try, and at some point…run. I had a father that beat me regularly as a matter of principle. You can only fight back so much as a child. As an adult, you just keep away from them the best you can.

    • Truth Is

      Last year my step mother died and I experienced similar feelings of relief. Her abuse continued for years as other family members all sat around cowardly and played crazy with ignorance or laughed at her antics. My biological abandoned me as a child and she took full advantage, choking, slapping and cussing me out on a daily basis. She was evil.

      • V-sis

        Report abuse over and over to someone at school, police, church. Someone will finally listen and get help to you. I’ve been there and it’s tough but you can’t give up. Remember, it’s not you, it’s the abusive person who has a problem and thinks that abuse by any means is o.k. because they’re the adult. It’s not. You are a gift from heaven put on this earth not to be abused by anyone.

    • tgm54

      Well said, Rick. Even now…our mother has Alzheimer’s and is relentless. She not only wanted to control our lives she wanted to own them. She will die alone…even now…when she needs us most she lashes out…had she been different when we were children we might be able to over look her actions today. It makes my skin crawl when people tell me how much they like my mother…how funny and clever she is.

      • http://WebProNews/Life Susan

        Years ago, I stopped telling survivors that the dearly departed was a great person because you never know what goes on behind closed doors, and people often show a different face to the public. If I comfort a bereaved today, I might say, “He was always nice to me”, never “he was such a great guy.” See the difference?

        • Mimi

          Susan, Your comment is right on the money!

      • Meranda Perla

        Find peace with your mother in your heart. No one has the perfect mother. My mother was a narcissist that put herself before her children. She even allowed me to be abused. But I forgave her and was with her when she died. I am at peace now and realize my legacy will be being a good mother to my children by realizing I do not have to be like my mother.
        Lastly, she gave birth to you and for that you owe her at least respect and dignity.

        • Barb

          You are delusional. Just because someone gives birth to you doesn’t mean you have to respect them let alone love them. Anyone can have a baby, but not everyone can be a good mother. This goes for all blood relatives. You don’t have to love anyone who treats you bad. On the other hand, you can love adoptive parents and good friends with all your heart if they love you and treat you well. Blood is not always thicker than water.

          • Egg Foo Young

            You can disagree with out being judgmental or unpleasant. If Meranda has come to terms with it, what right do you have to condemn her?

        • http://yahoo.com michigan mom

          I agree you should give respect to your mother (always) but that’s only when your mother doesn’t beat and humiliate you on a daily basis. I applaud this obituary, a bad person doesn’t deserve a fake obit talking about what a wonderful person they were and how they are survived by their loving children. Thank GOD they survived her…just too bad it took so long for them to get peace.

        • http://same diane

          No Meranda, they don’t. Animals give birth, it’s a natural act, respect is earned Meranda, not given for free, if you toss crap and mess with people and hurt them all your life, what respect or dignity have you earned just because you spread your thighs and had kids? that doesn’t cut it. sorry, I cant disagree with you more.

      • http://same diane

        tgm54, I hear you loud and clear, people forget that this old worn out hag was once a young strong abusive piece of work or simply didn’t know them when they were and talk about how cute and fragile they are now, it turns my stomach but the fact is, Rick said it best, if possible, just stir clear, forget ’em.

    • http://same diane

      Rick, your right, just stay away but the emotional turmoil is the thing that will kill you, the best revenge is learning from an abusive person what YOU DONT WANT TO BE and making a change for your children and spouse.

  • david delacour

    i feel sympathy for the surviving children- my mom is a kind,intellegent,fun and loving person- my father died the last week in june-he took out his frustrations on his eldest son, who left the home before turning 17-his other surviving son chose to be like him, but saw 1st hand what went on, and HIS children were and are the greatest thing in his life-my father changed,but to late too repair the damsge w/ me, he remarried and had a stepdaughter,whom he treated as his own, and was a changed man- for that change in him. i was grateful at the end,therapy is the only way to erase the damage-some people refuse to change, and end up alone- the lesson here is get help if you feel violent towards your children, they will have a difficult life if you don’t get help-my sympathies to the family

  • Emskware

    Good for them! I wish something like this was available when my mother died. I’ve spent countless years trying to convince people that she was not the “perfect loving mother” which was the face she put on her horrible physical and emotional child abuse. Only many years later, when my father was in his late-60s did he admit that he knew of the abuse but felt helpless to do anything about it because he was scared of her too. I hope these children are better able to deal with the scars of what this woman foisted on them.

    • http://yahoo lcro

      I understand, completely! Bless your heart! Hope you’re a much better person today for understanding the ‘why’!

    • Patti

      So, everyone, including your father, knew she was sick, but nobody got her any help? How cruel is THAT? Love, on the other hand, would have sought the help she deserved as a human being. I treat my animals better than that.

      • Egg Foo Young

        Most people do. There was almost no help of any kind available for mentally ill people before 1970. Unless you were rich. Many people didn’t think it even existed. If you had issues from your family history, there was no help. Child abuse is passed on from one generation to the next. If you want it to stop, you have to start at the root and expect it to take at least a generation. I doubt that will happen because sooner or later some one will complain that we have spent all this money and things aren’t any better and we are just throwing money at the problem. It it makes a good impression to wring your hands over the subject, but it is meaningless.

      • T

        I believe you are well-meaning but you cannot help a person who does not want help. All of the “help” in the world didn’t “help” my mother’s borderline personality disorder. Look it up.

    • jmc

      I too understand your situation my mother behaved the same way I grew up with a angry, verbally and physically abusive mother, my father stayed away by working 6 days a week,in the end he suffered the abuse we were getting as kids because he was the only one at home.I felt sorry for my dad as he aged he could not pull away even at age 86 , he died from cancer while she continued to heap verbal abuse on him. My sister also was abused but not to the level I was. She is still angry at the loss of our childhood. My brother was and still is the prodigal son and cares nothing about her except for his inheritance. I was given the job of taking care of her after my father passed away. She is still alive at 92 yrs old and failing,I see her continued life as a punishment for all she did to us. I make sure she is well taken care of as a promise I made to my father but when she passes not one of us will not cry.SAD I have made my peace over this situation with her but not before I made it clear to her that her continued verbal abuse even at the age of 90 could not touch me any more she no longer had any control over me. My siblings rarely see her and I visit her at the assisted living she is in when I have to.She will die alone. Her passing will alleviate my responsibility I continue to heal. Luckily her abuse made me love and hold my own daughter closer we share a wonderful relationship. I recognize this letter as a release for them from the bondage of abuse and I applaud them for having the nerve to put their own pain out there for the world to read. Hoping this behavior is recognized by teachers,friends and relatives and the children are saved from a lifetime of misery and nightmares.

  • Megan

    Your life is measured by how you treat others, ESPECIALLY your children/family. I support this woman’s children and how they choose to react to her death. And good on them for spending their lives breaking her cycle of abuse and going out to help others.

  • Agingdiscoqueen

    I’d be courious to know how Mom was treated as a child. Anyway, I think no obit and an umarked grave might have been just as fitting.

    • http://yahoo lcro

      I was mentally and physically abused by my mom, as were my two brothers on a very regular basis. Back then, it wasn’t considered ‘child abuse’ like it is today. Spankings/beatings (tree branches, that we had to get for ourselves, take off the leaves) with ‘switches’ or belts were frequent, along with being slugged/slapped in the face, thrown against the walls, etc. This is the way a lot of children were raised and it was accepted. She continued when it was just the two of us, but not as bad, when I was a teenager. I finally, while being hit with my own belt (she drew blood (made welts) on the back of my upper legs), I managed to turn around and grab the belt from her and told her not to EVER touch me again! I was 14. The look on her face was priceless.
      I knew that her mom was mentally unstable when she was a child and I also figured out at a fairly young age that she was too. I was very determined NOT to continue the vicious cycle. We weren’t ever very close and I wanted to be very close to my children! I believe that I have succeeded in my strong attempt of this!
      Much later in my life somehow it would come into conversation, she would ask/say ‘I wasn’t that mean, was I’? I didn’t ever have the courage or heart to tell her how she affected me. I contribute my ‘toughness’ to her and to my 1st husband. Sorry this is so long, just felt the need to get this out there. There are far too many children and adults being physically and verbally/mentally abused out there. Please don’t ignore any situation that you might come across. Report such things!!

      • J

        Please do not apologize for the length of your comment. You needed to get that off your chest and I’m glad this forum gave you that opportunity. I’m proud of you for rising above that. you should be commended. :)

  • pat

    I had a Mother who was cruel- sick – mean poisons to everyone around her., Beat the crap out of me and Kicked me out of her house.
    She was diagnosed with cancer of throat last year,I talked with the Hospital where she ended up in the end to give here human treatment( pain and anti anxiety medication) and she died in her sleep

    My obituary read, after long suffering she die peacefully in her sleep

    She was not capable in her lifetime of understanding what she did was wrong, she was stunned in her emotional growth and it was all about her always. I let here live her life and stayed away confronting here did not bring anything only more drama
    I have made my peace with my upbringing and her inability to be a parent, i knew that it never had anything to do with me but with here

    • esther fairow

      Sorry to read about your upbringing. It was and unfortunate situation. I am so happy that you realize that the abuse was not about you and have chosen to forgive your mother. Pat, you know what it is to be truly free from bondage. Be encouraged!!!!!

    • Connie

      Such crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      I am almost without words. If her children felt this strong then good for them. Remember freedom of speech. There should not be forgiveness for some of the things that have happen to children. Thank God some are standing up and saying enough. God can forgive them if he thinks they deserve it.

      When my Dad dies in 20, not one person in my family would go to the hospital and identify his body. I flew in from out of state and did it. I cremated him and put him in the ground. The Funeral Director wanted me to get a nice urn and upgrade. I said to him, Look I would love to tell you he was a good man, great husband and wonderful Dad but he was not. So do it and give me the box. I did my duty and buried him on top of his father as he requested. End of the story maybe but not the nightmare he inflicted on his family almost daily. He stands before God now. My tears where for what should have been and the pain he caused not for him.

      • http://same diane

        Connie, so sorry for your pain, I just pray that you can find it in your heart to set your anger aside and go on with your own life. I hear you clearly, some things are just unforgivable, I hear horror stories all the time. I’m sure your father is receiving his karma about now Connie, I just pray for you that his evil ways do not haunt you and stop you from living the life you deserve. Go with God in peace Connie. a friend.

      • Linda

        Forgiveness is for those who survived abuse. You can’t truly and fully live your life until you have forgiven your abuser. Unforgiveness makes us mentally and physically sick. I hated my abusers for many years and paid the price with mental illness. Then God put in on my heart to pray for strength to forgive. One abuser was dead , the other I did not know who it was because I was a child in bed and it was dark. I prayed that God would show me who it was and one day when I was with my favorite uncle I mentioned it and he said it was him. Immediately I forgave him and hugged him. (By the way, my first abuser was his father, my grandfather. My uncle also was molested by his father as were most of the other kids in the family) It was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I see my uncle several times a year and have no ill feelings toward, and yes I still love him. Only Jesus Christs forgiveness can accomplish this! I Praise His wonderful name!!

        • Patty Clark

          “And the truth shall set you free.” So does forgiveness. I have learned that mental illness causes behaviors that without God’s intercession, will continue without healing. We all need to pray daily, for the lost souls who do nothing to change their behaviors either out of denial, or ignorance. I was given the gift of compassion when I was a child, but it by no means closed my eyes to the hatred and animosity of those in my family who did not accept God’s love. You cannot love your neighbor until you accept love in your own heart. Love is the driving force that chases away evil. Peace and serenity comes from accepting love, and giving love, unconditionally. The “why” surrounding evil becomes insignificant when looking for blame or explanations. Trusting in God’s love, and forgiveness, is key to healing the pain. The painful memories will fade and be erased and become powerless. In the end, by the grace of God, we will survive….but the hatred will not survive. It ends with each one of us is saying “yes” to love, to accept love and give love unconditionally.

      • Carol

        Connie and Pat: I am so sorry about your difficult childhood. It’s great that you not only realize the abuse was not your fault but forgave. Your abusive parent are paying for their sins, bad Karma, and what goes around comes around right now. God bless you both.

    • http://same diane

      Pat, I am happy that you have come to terms with your mother’s treatment of you when you were a child, the obit author’s however cannot. I have a mother in law who is the worst sort of animal, an aunt probably worse then she is and can understand why these people feel this way. I had a wonderful, loving mother and wish the same for all children. When I read the obit in question, I applauded these victims for taking a stand at last. maybe this will make abusive ” adults ” think twice. God bless you Pat and I pray that your healing continues.

      • http://yahoo Dianna

        I think most abusive adults don’t think twice. My sister & I were abused by our Mom & stepdad and I know our Mom doesn’t think she has done anything wrong. My sister and I do not speak to her or her to us and I’m certain we never will. You reach a point where enough is enough and these people that say “you have to forgive her and try to make amends, she’s your Mother” have no idea what they are talking about unless they have walked in our shoes. The fact that she goes to church and would like for everyone to think she’s a saint makes her no less evil. Having her out of my life is a relief.

        • http://WebProNews Pat Gilmore

          It truly sounds like you are describing my mother. I do not ever remember a hug or kind word from the woman.I quit speaking or having anything to do with her when I was 35 years old. She made me physically ill everytime I was around her and I was always watching and waiting for the next hit from her. Ahe had seven children who all suffered from her hands and words. When she was sick and dying , she asked my aunto to call and ask me to come and care for her. I laughed, sell my home, move to another state and live with her 24/7 and take care of her. What a joke! Her funeral was attended by my father and one sister who had Power of Attorney and the minister of thier church, who y father had to pay to be there! No neighbors, church members or people she worked with for over 40 years attended and none of the rest of her children or grandchildren. A witness to her ugliness and horrible treatment of others!

        • Ed


          Forgiveness isn’t about what your mother deserves (although it seems that she’s getting it through a lack of contact with her daughter). Forgiveness is about what YOU deserve, and I think you deserve to move on in your life in peace. I sense a lot of anger in your post. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to be friends with you mother or invite her over for dinner or spend Xmas with her. It only means you can let that anger go. That anger isn’t hurting your mother; you’re not even in contact with her. It’s probably affecting you, and maybe affecting the people around you. I hope everything works out for you.

    • Patti

      God bless you for having more forgiveness, understanding and compassion in your little finger than those who posted the obituary for their mother. I believe you’ll have a better life for it.

      • http://same diane

        Patti, question please, what sort of parents did you have? Please do not judge people for shoes you have never walked in Patti, you have no right to do that. Your right about some people having a better life due to they’re ability to forgive but unless you’ve walked in they’re shoes say nothing. I’ve known people who have treated their children in the most horrific ways, one in my own family, 3 of her four children are dead, she is still living, crippled up and alone except the one daughter she tried many times to beat to death but my cousin is a way better person than me, I would have fed that bi**h to the dogs years ago, my cousin has an amount of compassion I just cant grasp, God bless her and all those who have that depth and insight and faith, I don’t.

        • dee4870

          “There is nothing wrong with you for feeling that way, if everyone thought that their compassion would forgive the evilness of child abuse and make it OK,.. well then it would be OK and any reasonable, decent human being knows that it isn’t OK to abuse children and should never be tolerated ever. Obviously Patty has never seen how ugly child abuse is up close maybe she would have a change of tune then.

          • Patti

            I’ve seen abuse, I’ve experience abuse. I refuse to hang on to the bad in my life, and I won’t bash that person in a public forum. Hatred for anyone poisons the soul. I hope all of you feel better after feeding your monsters, and be sure to get ready for the next round. As long as you feed it, it WILL keep coming back.

            Life is short. Why waste it on the bad things from your past?

          • Sierra

            As I sit here grieving the loss of my own mother, I can only feel pity for those of you that are filled with so much hate and anger. I agree with Patti about hate being poison and feeding the monsters. Nothing like giving control to the dead.

        • Patti

          First off, my comment was directed at Pat, no one else. I won’t bother to answer your question because I don’t believe you’d pay attention to it anyway. The rest of your diatribe shows me that.

          I’d like you to show me where I “judged” anyone? That’s God’s job.

        • Egg Foo Young

          Forgiveness is not about the person who harmed us. It is about letting go of our anger and pain so it doesn’t poison our life. If we don’t, they end up controlling us and we don’t really live. It doesn’t mean you have to have a relationship with them, like them or love them. It is not a sentimental emotion that ends in reconciliation, it’s about freedom from the past.

    • Koob

      Beautiful. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.

    • DantheMan

      G-d Bless You, Pat. Raveorioles1@gmail.com

    • Me

      It’s her not here

  • Cassandra

    I know how these people feel. My mother was dead in her apartment for 2 1/2 weeks before anyone found her and only then because of the smell did anyone investigate. She hated her 4 children and one by one threw us all out of the house for things that were foolish. I started getting thrown out at 14 years old. My father stood by and did nothing. He had a massive heart attack at an early age probably because of the stress. It is hard to make people understand what you went through especially when your abuser puts on a happy face to the world but behind close doors there is terror. I am 51 years old now and still have nightmares of what she did. I go to therapy and it does help lessen the anxiety. I pray that each of you can find peace and healing.

    • anonymous

      My mother did the same thing. A hard yank of our hair and a hard smack across the face for being children and laughing.. And if the phone rang while she was doing it, she answered the phone with a cheery, happy HELLO? She still tells my family that I’m a bad person in so many ways. Never once apologized and said that this is how we learned to raise kids back in the day. She thinks that she is perfect. She wonders why I struggled with drugs, depression and why I hate myself sometimes. I hate you L.L.! May you get what you fu***** deserve someday!

      • http://Yahoo Patty

        May the Lord forgive you for your comments…

        • anonymous

          go to hell Patty. I’ve said nothing wrong. Go back to your rock that you’ve crawled under you insensitive C word.

  • Susie

    These people seem to have survived the abuse and have not let it define them. After living my young years with a abuse alcoholic step-father and a mother who would have rather stayed with him and fight it out instead of taking her children out of it, I can relate to so much of this. The sad part is, dysfunctional families create dysfunctional children. I never learned the right way to be a parent and made mistakes for years. It gets passed along from generation to generation until someone gets the courage to break the cycle. I may write my own obituary to testify what child abuse did to me.

  • Dawn

    I am 100% supportive of what these siblings have written! Their whole life they were abused and traumatized! Why is it that when a person finally has strength and courage to shed light on their abuser (parent, & I use that term loosely) and “lay it all on the table”, that many view it as disrespectful and that you should just get over it?! Screw that!!! So many look the other way when it’s a parent hurting their kids. If it was a stranger doing it, would you look the other way?! Instead of making an exception, we should be holding these “parents” to a higher standard!!! Props to these strong adult siblings! I pray that you will have peace now that this monster is gone from your nightmares! I too will look forward to that day I no longer have to look over my shoulder & worry about my or my loved ones safety because of my evil monster!

  • anon

    I grew up in an environment that was emotional torture. I was housed, clothed and well fed but my soul, intellect and creativity was stunted. My mother had three physically beautiful children however she saw us through her own mirror and she found us ugly in some way. My nose was big, etc. I grew up a mess and I am afraid a bit like her. I was mistreated and I mistreated. She is suffering now, 12 years in a wheelchair having experienced a very serious stroke, unable to speak or move properly her life has been hell. My life has been difficult because of my difficult attitude, depression and anxiety. Obsessing and complaining when in essence I had everything. I just didn’t see it. I have learned through loss. She has not had the chance.

  • http://yahoo.com Wendy

    I only hope that the family finds peace!!!…God Bless

  • Billy Turner

    I recently opened up to a friend about my abusive mother, and he immediately gave a chilling litany of his childhood. I spoke with another friend, and she related similar experiences. There are so many who’ve had abusive parents and or relatives. Prior to her death, my mother asked for forgiveness, which I gave. Heaven itself knows the abuse is etched in concrete.


    Its a great thing you don’t see too many Black people typing obits like these. Even if there was abuse present in their lives, they know how to keep some things to themselves and wont dare expose it to public domain. This very troublesome family seems to take comfort in knowing they have scandalized not only their mothers name but their names as well. They may not know it yet, but this will follow them for the rest of their lives in a negative way. They have not healed from this to put something like this in a newspaper that can be viewed all over the globe just goes to show you they are still suffering because they havent forgiven her. She was pushing 80 and all they could think about was putting their business out there instead of seeking family counseling. Its a shame.

    • Jenny

      I think you missed the point. Speaking the TRUTH is a healing action. Their story could be and IS many people’s story. Hiding in shame when someone hurts you is not therapeutic. I applaud their courage and strength to speak out. Let the chips fall where they may! I have no doubt that their mother, in the afterlife, is mortified about her behavior….as we all will be someday when we review our lives….we will judge ourselves for both the good and bad we have done to others in this life. Just my opinion…..

    • Eve

      They did NOT shame themselves! It is not the victims’ fault to be abused and no one should be afraid of speaking up about it. All that does is perpetuate violence!

  • Jenny

    After reading all these comments about abusive parents, I am so thankful and grateful to have had such a loving, fun, intelligent, beautiful mother who knew how to love unconditionally and who never laid a hand on me in anger. I am sorry for what you have gone though….and I congratulate those of you who have stopped the cycle and sought out healing for yourselves and others.

  • Anonymous

    My Mother used to beat me, but not as bad as a lot of these cases. She was an angry person, always screaming, liked to my pull hair a lot, would sometimes grab whatever she could to hit me, sometimes it was a hard back hand smack across the face. She used to terrify me. I’m not sure if this was abuse, but it sure felt like it. I’m now an adult with children and I love them with all my heart. As for my mother, she never has or probably ever will admit to doing anything wrong. I hate her for it. My self-esteem still suffers even nowadays from what she did to me. She still likes to tell me what I am doing wrong in my life today(i let her in my life because of her grandkids). She tells my family lies about me or exaggerated the truth and then tells them not to tell me so I can never defend myself. I’ve mentioned what she did to me to her and she has said before “that’s how you disciplined children back in the days”. I have nothing but hate for this women. She thinks she is perfect.

    • Anonymous

      By the way, if my mother didn’t do this things to me, I’d have had a better life and have been a totally different person. Some of us can’t evolve from this type of stuff and turn to drugs or whatever else to numb the pain. I hope one day that I can let all of this go. :(

    • pat

      kick her out of your life
      Your son does not need here in his life and its a bad example for him.
      If he chooses later on to have contact with here that his choice


  • Warren Lester

    My father is a retired St. Louis County Sheriff in northern Minnesota. He was and still is a narcissistic sociopath who believes that he is above the law. He has beaten me as a child and as I became an adult, he continued to mentally torture and suck any sense of well being out of me, basically to make himself feel better about what a useless person he actually is. I told him to f-off one day as he “tells” me that he is going to move in with my wife and I because, according to him, “I have every right to live in your house!” My sister and nephew continue to kiss his ass in the hopes of getting some money when he dies. Just because you are blood related doesn’t make you family. You have to earn that! I have no more contact with my father, my sister, or my nephew. That is my choice.

  • Eve

    I don’t blame the children for writing this obituary. The idea of “not speaking badly of the dead” does not sit well with me. If we lead good lives people will wish to speak well of us (and remember us fondly) after our passing.

    However, I do disagree with the statement of the child of the deceased who stated, “I want every single person to realize this could be your obituary.” No, it couldn’t. Not unless it was a total lie. Most people treat their children well.

  • Hmm

    This situation sounds very bad. However, I don’t see many details about the abuse in the article. All we have to go on is 5 short paragraphs. If things were that bad, why did they not address them while the woman was living?

    In this day and age, everyone takes what they read or hear from the internet as the gospel truth. After 5 short paragraphs, people commenting think they are experts on the whole matter.

    I don’t condone abuse at all. I just wish people would not rush to judgement so quickly. We rush to judgement on so many things only to find out later that the inital facts were simply wrong.

    • Eve

      Considering their ages, they likely couldn’t have done much when they were children.

      • @Eve

        Oh I agree. I am not saying it didn’t happen.

        It just concerns me that people rush to judgement too much nowadays without doing any real research or even knowing the people involved.

        What is to stop me from totally making something up and posting it on the internet and causing someone a lot of harm? Absolutely nothing — because people rush to judgement.

        I hope I did not come across as insensitive to the situation because I really do understand how people hurt.

        • anonymous

          I read other places on the internet about what she did. It was horrible. She also ran a prostitution ring in her house apparently. Nobody would go through all this trouble to write this if it didn’t happen and she wasn’t an evil person. Apparently she died in her trailer home with her 13 cats alone. I guess some people get what they deserve.



  • Bad Things Happen to Everyone

    Bad things happen to everyone. You can’t change the past or live in the past. You pick yourself up and move on.

    You forgive because until you do so then you are nothing but a victim.

  • t

    I agree with everything except the part about suffering in the afterlife. What does that accomplish? It keeps those funky feelings alive. Forgiveness does not mean accepting what she did, it just releases the negativity from yourself.

  • tammy

    I agree with everything except the part about suffering in the afterlife. What does that accomplish? It keeps those funky feelings alive. Forgiveness does not mean accepting what she did, it just releases the negativity from yourself.

  • Global Perspective

    We are so outraged by child abuse in this nation, yet our wars have made orphans out of hundreds of thousands of kids. We are outraged by Syria using chemical weapons, yet in the past month our drones killed more innocent civilians than those chemical weapons did.

    We call ourselves just because we used drones and syrians evil because they use chemicals. However, at the end of the day, a lot of innocent kids were killed and we are just hypocrites.

    All of us. Myself included.

  • archer

    You need a license to drive, maybe this is needed in order to do the most important job in the world.

  • http://yahoo maggiesmom

    Why didn’t they publish this BEFOREh she died, to humiliate her they way she did them? Why would children (over the age of 18) stay around her so she could continue to ‘stalk’ them and disrupt their lives?
    I think this is a horrible, equally insensitive action for her children to take.

  • Dan H

    These people should be applauded and Obituaries should be truthful and honest like they were in the late 1800’s and the turn of the century. Look at history (some of the old one’s are quite hilarious in their honesty). Hat’s off to them! Let’s face it, Hell is real and people do go there!

  • Karla

    A few years ago when Christmas was around the corner, I witnessed a mother, another lady with her, and the mother’s son walking to their car after shopping. I was also about to get into my car when out of the blue the mother was mad at her son for whatever and began belittling him and cursing using the ‘f’ word a least 5 times. I felt so bad for the child that I spoke up and said, “please don’t call/use that word in front of your son. My heart just ached for him and couldn’t believe my ears.” She looked at me and said this was not my child. I smiled (he was still there)and told the woman to have a wonderful Christmas and left. I hope that made an impression on one of them, even if later in life. We forget sometimes that our parents are supposed to be our first role model. I hope this will not negatively impact this sweet, young boy. No telling how long he’s had to endure this abuse.

    • Chrissieh

      I certainly hope you called somebody on his behalf. You may feel good about making your point with her but he was left to deal with not only her anger with him but now her anger with you. I was one of those kids. Too many turn their heads.

      • Karla

        I actually did call 9-1-1 hoping a police officer could make it out before she left the parking lot. They didn’t promise anything since it was not a physical domestic issue. They also felt by the time one arrived they would be gone. They actually left rather quickly while getting into the car.

  • anonymous

    I’m a mid 40’s father who has struggled with depression, drugs, anxiety and lack of self-esteem. I’ve basically went nowhere in life and am still trying to do something with myself. I’m not making excuses but if I would have had a different mother, I would be a COMPLETELY different person. She thinks she is perfect and laughed at me when I said that I was scared of her as a child. If she could say “I’m sorry”, I would forgive me and I could probably move on with my life. She wont. I’m afraid that I’ll wind up a broke, penniless loser…..

    • pat

      man sorry
      but you need to find healing in yourself I had too
      The damage is done sorry to say but I woke up one day and decided i was tired of being a survivor and wanted a life and i did

      good luck

      • anonymous

        I’m trying man, I am trying. I agree with you and sincerely, thanks for the comment.

    • Susan Sweeney

      It’s so sad that it’s ALWAYS someone else’s fault when we are failures in life! I pray that you will stop pointing fingers at the splinters in your mother’s eye & take the planks out of your own & make something of yourself!! EXCUSES….EXCUSES….it’s all up to you what you make of it – NOT your mother!!

      • anon

        @Susan I truly hope that you are either horribly abused in your next life, or you die a slow, lonely rotten death. Anyone who says words like that to an abused person, doesn’t deserve to be on this earth. This is why children commit suicide(but as you’d say, “it’s their own fault”. F U

  • Nancy Hashka

    My girlfriend and her two teenage boys were mentally tortured by her ex-husband. When his heart started failing at age 35, he became even meaner and bitter. He died before he could find a transplant. Her two boys, aged 14 and 16, asked her if they could throw a party to celebrate the fact that the SOB had died and they could now not live in fear. The whole family threw one heck of a big party……..even his own brothers and sisters came…..and they all shared stories about how abusive he was to them too.

    Sometimes people need to realize that you can’t excuse someone’s behavior by asking about their childhood…..some people are just born bad.

  • http://Yahoo Patty

    How do all of you people know this is true…Do the 6 surviving children lead stellar lives and are they the best parents in the world…This saddens me….

    • anon

      Patty, you are a sick person.The first thing when a child says I was abused, you BELIEVE them! You don’t assume that they are lying. You obviously have no love in your life and are probably a lonely person. What kind of person automatically assumes a person that says they were abused are lying. So six people that all corroborate this story, tell the world about it, are lying? what would ever give you that idea? Go crawl back in your trailer home and wake up.

      • dee4870

        “Yes your right”…. she is either very ignorant to the horrors of child abuse or thinks that it is OK to abuse children, either way she obviously doesn’t get it and doesn’t really care.

  • Maria

    Forgiveness would have given them better closure. Carrying around that kind of emotional baggage has taken a toll on this family. If they did not say what was needed to their mother while she was alive this does nothing but open them up to a lot of uncomfortable questions they may not want to answer when the hurt feelings are still there.

  • Stacy B.

    Why in the actual obituary in the video does it say she passed away on September 30, 2013?????

  • Chrissieh

    As the daughter of a mother who was equally, if not more so, cruel I can understand their need to write this. I am now a very happy, well adjusted, educated woman with children who are the same. You would never identify me as a the beaten, raped, belittled child I was. The one thing that many of us who grow up in this way rarely get from our abusers is validation. Not just an apology but to be validated and to hear them say what they did was wrong and totally on them. We also live with the knowledge that many know but few act. They don’t want to get involved or confront, etc. Then a funeral comes up and we listen to others talk so glowingly about the person. Even though these people may have forgiven it doesn’t lessen the pain that returns under these circumstances. I read that their hope was to have others recognize abuse and act. That is mine too. I forgave long ago but it still happens and I want others to do something, not just talk about it without action. So, be compassionate towards these people. One of my abusers passed a few years ago. It brought me so much peace and closure. They deserve that even if you don’t agree with their methodology.

  • dee4870

    “Good for them”….if that many of her own children hate her than she had to be a bad person and not only that why did she have so many?…. probably so she could always have a little one to abuse since it is hard to abuse an older child. I am older and I have seen this happen to innocent children and it is not something that needs to be forgiven not unless the victim needs to forgive them to heal themselves,.. but they did what they did for them and that is good.

    • ldean50

      I agree, and also see how it was done for others as well.

  • Nina

    I’m sorry for these people and for those of you who did not have good mothers. Unfortunately, being “Mom” is not important to some women. I had a wonderful mother who did everything in her power to raise her children and instill good values in them. We did not have alot of money as she was a single parent with 7 children to feed, but she showed us that we had each other. She would fry chicken and make potato salad and take us to the park, this may not seem like much to some but it meant the world to us. She cleaned other peoples homes to make ends meet and buy school clothes for her children. When she passed, of course we cried, because she had been an adoring mother and had done her job and so deserved the rest.

  • Youknowme

    Dear L, I hope by some chance that you are reading this and know it’s me writing this. Do you know that I’ve thought about suicide many times because you liked to verbally and emotionally abuse me though my childhood? I know it was over 25 years ago, but it still effects me. You think I made mistakes and am going nowhere in life? It’s mostly your fault. Yeah, I know my sister is doing well in her life, she wasn’t abused like I was. Also, some people can handle things more than others can. It makes me happy to know that you pretend to have a great life but in reality, you are lonely and can hardly walk. On top of this, you deny you did anything wrong. You are a poor excuse for a mom. No matter how much you say that I’m your “favorite”, you know that is a lie and you say that so people think you loved me and you didn’t nothing wrong. May you rot in Hell), and realize what you did wrong someday.

    • ldean50

      … good for you. Bravo!

  • mark

    I can understand someone who was sexually abused feel this way. But when you write these kind of things remember that the person can not defend themselves. Just as families with a lot of inheritance coming down to them they often badmouth steal and act childish to get money. I was spanked with switches and belts and turned out fine. I believe if they put spankings back in school we would have less kids trying to shoot everybody. Kids need discipline. And too many parents try to be best friends instead of a parent. Just look at kids today. A lot of people cry because they got spanked. Please. Go to war than you will have a lot of reasons to cry about something. I think we are getting soft as a country because of the me generation. And I really do understand if you was really abused. But a lot of people need a pity party.

  • Petal

    If it were possible for Mom to be any deader, that would be a good thing. The kids were more than justified – people like this woman should not have children. Mom was an excellent argument for sterilization.

  • Caesar Castracane

    Okay, your life was perfect…cut the pity party…the Golden Rule says Do unto other’s as you would have them do unto to you….not as they did unto you…It’s forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us….not no forgiveness to those who have trespassed against us……don’t be so self-righteous about all the good you do for the abused, do it silently and remember that your children are watching and will treat you the same…..when you’re elected god you can do this….don’t let the past destroy your present and future…..off the high horses and embrace everyone…..at least think about it.

    • ldean50

      I think you missed the point – and why it was not done silently. Silence is the best weapon abusers have. Had you read the article, you would realize how out-of-line your holier-than-than rant actually is. “Evil flourishes when good men do nothing”(William Blake)… you seem to fit the do nothing mold.

  • Bryan

    Sounds like not a very nice person. Still, it’s kind of without class to speak ill of someone at their funeral/memorial. Couldn’t they have just skipped the service?

    • ldean50

      It was an obituary in the paper. RTDT.

  • Chris

    Anyone see the movie or read the book, Jack Ketchum’s ‘The Girl Next Door’? Sounds like the mother described in the obiturary is just as horrible as the mother (or Aunt) character in the book/film.

  • Firmament72

    This myth has been going around for several years. Two years ago it was a mother in Ohio. The obit was almost word-for-word like this one.

    • Rick

      Was no myth in my family. Very similar narcissistic, abusive behavior to that in the obituary. My mother should have been sterilized at 12. These women have NO BUSINESS having children.

  • Nancy

    Why don’t any of you stupid hillbillies know how to spell or write? I can’t even tell if some of these comments were English. No wonder you were all abused. Too stupid to live.

    • pat

      lets see if you can read this
      F… Y..

      Go back to your trailer park and shut up

  • ldean50

    Also… on mother’s day when everyone is celebrating, giving flowers, or wearing flowers to celebrate their mothers, just know there are many who still feel the need to “pretend.” Not all mothers deserve sainthood – some should have been jailed. I just hope the paper has the healthy insight to repost this obit back. I too, like many here was raised by a woman that would today be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. It isn’t always the physical abuse, the mental torture is just as damaging. I felt a sense of freedom when I read this – I think the children did the right thing – awareness is critical.

  • Firmament72

    The obituary was printed in Tuesday’s editions of the Reno Gazette-Journal and appeared on RGJ.com after it was submitted through a self-service online portal.
    John Maher, president and publisher of the newspaper, said in a “note to readers” that the paper had “removed the online listing of this obituary as we continue our review of the circumstances surrounding its placement.”

  • Drew

    Awww man, does this mean I have to live my life according to a code of ethics else one day people will tell the truth about me? What a drag. (sarcasm, obviously,) serves as a warning… If you are a meanie-head in life, than you will likely be remembered that way in death… Enjoy your “posterity”.


    my mother died at 57 I am now 62…I am a victim of her extreme cruelty and i pray to god that when I die I do not ever ever ever have to see her …it truly scares me

  • mack

    Good for you! i am so glad you and your siblings had closure. I have not had the ‘privilege’ of my parents abusing me, but i did see it from other families. Kids would come to school crying and such, some of them my friends, and i ask what is wrong. sometimes they would tell me, other times, not when they were really quiet. But later as they’ve grown, sometimes when we talked abt not seeing each other for awhile, they would proceed to tell me things that they went through as a kid living with that parent. and you think to yourself -‘oh, i did not know that was going on!’ So, you never know how a message is going to hepl the next person who has been through that or is going through it now. God bless your awareness campaign and keep up the good work!

  • Lee

    More of the story can be found in the link provided. They were removed from their mother’s home and grew up in an orphanage. Their case resulted in a Nevada law in the 1980s allowing children to become legally independent of their parents. I think this was not a case of it being up to others to get the mother help or of not enough trying to be done about it when she was alive. Perhaps she was just evil like the children said.


  • lexi

    I think the newspaper was CYA because they posted it, probably printed it and they don’t want to be sued for libel.

    If I were the children this individual raised, I would have come forward with evidence to back up the obituary and the reasons behind it. They paid for the space, and they are entitled to tell the truth even if it is after the fact.

  • rirituls

    I think its great!!!!! Congrats to them who had the courage to put it on paper. May you have peace now :)

  • JD

    I think the saddest thing is all of the people commenting who have been so hurt and abused as well as children. Hug your children extra tonight and if you are not a parent reach out to the kids in your life you may be the adult they can confide in to reach out and stop the abuse. Be the difference a child needs. (((hugs to all of you who didn’t get all the hugs you deserved)))

  • Virginia

    I too was raised in a home very much like the one your family was raised in and I thought the day my mother died would be the best day of my life. One day you will forgive her. I did my mother but I can’t for get the torture she put kids through. I felt so sorry for my siblings but there was nine of us and we all suffered the same torture although I had one brother that I thought got the worst end of every thing. He turned out to be an alcoholic but is cured now. WE all got along with one another and to this day we never let out mother split us up as she tried so desperately to do. We had a wonderful father. He never knew the torture we went through because we were not allowed to tell. I am just high lighting one the things now because I have forgiven my mother for the things she did to us and did before she died. After all having eleven kids and having miscarriage’s between the kids was probably what caused her to be so ill hearted. She made it plain to us that she loved the oldest son and the rest she didn’t want. Forgiveness is so much better than carrying a grudge. A grudge just hurts you and if she thought she could still torture you that is what she wanted to do. So forgive her and get over it. She is gone and there is nothing you can do or say that will make it better. I know I have been there and done that. I am seventy eight and would not hold a grudge against any one any more. It only hurts the person holding the grudge.

  • http://attyahoo Douglas Knight

    Having your drunken father come home at 3 a.m., throw you out of bed, onto the floor. Then you are dragged by your arm, half asleep to the dining room table where you have to listen to him rant & rave for hours, then a good hard beating for about 5-10 minutes. Nothing like being backhanded out of a chair, flying through the air, then finding your mouth is full of blood-you’d better swallow it, too. If you don’t, more & longer beating. After you’ve bitten about 1/4 of the way through your tongue, you spit a mouth full of blood or two for the next 4-5 days(kids heal fast). The worst part was the cursing, meant to make you feel worthless & small. Denigrating you in front of total strangers. All these things for something that might have happened 6 months previously. Mom would get a 12 foot electrical extension cord, fold it up into a 4 foot length & beat you severely across the back of the legs. If you “danced” around too much, it continued until she tired-it could continue after she caught her breath. Nothing like balling up your fist & punching a 4 or 6 years old boy in the head. I guess it’s fun to watch boys fly through the air & cry afterwards. Sometimes mom would get a little “tuneup” too. Good thing I never bruised, I guess.

  • Susan Sweeney

    This is the side of the individual who wrote it. Too bad the deceased mother didn’t get the opportunity to present her side. Perhaps they were truly abused…WE will NEVER know for sure!! However, what hatred displayed in the obituary. Fighting against child abuse/spousal abuse, etc. can be done in MANY ways…but I don’t believe it should be done against the dead in this manner when the world will, unfortunately, never hear the other side! I pray that God will heal this family…

  • hannan

    good riddance to her. Why was she allowed to free?

    • http://yahoo linda maddy

      Sounds like Mrs. Reddick got what she deserved.

  • Carol

    My Mom learned a couple of years ago, that her dear cousin was abused by her husband for however long they were married (around 50 years). He pushed her down the stairs during on of her pregnancies but the baby was fine. Not only that but he abused their 5 children as well. Verbal and physical abuse. When he had a stroke, their adult children were hoping that he would die. He didn’t die. He needed care but refused to have anybody come to help care for him. Insisted only his wife (my Mom’s cousin)care for him. She was about 80 at the time and has her own health issues. When he did die, his adult children were happy but learned to forgive. My Mom’s cousin is in her mid to late 80s now and doing well. She holds no anger at all for her late husband. Never did. God bless the family and all that have been abused.

  • Flashheart

    This article opened up an old wound – my mother tyrannized me and my siblings with physical abuse for years and years. I went through a huge growth spurt when I was 17, and one day when she casually slapped me as per usual I just snapped. I punched her in the face so hard it almost knocked her out. She fell to the floor; I pinned her down and said, with my three younger siblings watching in amazement: “That was the last time you ever lay a hand on any of us, do you understand?” She understood.

    I was terrified about what my Dad would do when he got home from work. He told my mum: “You had that coming”. He privately lectured me on my conduct, but she never did physically abuse any of us ever again. For all you people deferring to religion, the primary reason for my mother’s vicious bullying was learned behavior from… the nuns that taught her at the convent school she went to when she was very young. I’ve been a life-long atheist because of it. P.S. My mother is 80 now, and I have a great relationship with her.

  • Justsomeone

    This is awesome. The grown children should be proud of themselves and never be ashamed of what they did. They acknowledged what their late mother has done and revealed to everybody and everybody. No more hiding in shame and acting that all is fine – expose it for all its worth and letting everyone know that had a jerk for a parent. Hey, you did something that all abused children want to do so you get my thumbs up approval.

  • Les Norton

    This is all well and good. Your notes etc on the graves, what does that do to the ‘abuser’, they are gone. This is for the alleged abused…closure. I hope you find it…the Good Lord is the only one qualified to judge, and we will all be judged by Him.

    On the other hand, what about the parents who are abused by their children? Some children grow up, especially today, and want the world handed to them, and when a hard-working, principled, and honest parent cannot financially provide what they want, they turn and abuse the parent? There have been numerous accounts of children killing their parents etc. It is easy to accuse when the other person is not around to give their side of the story, isn’t it?

    I say Give it to the Lord, and let him seek his vengeance, else it will eat you up. Live!

  • Janet

    I read the story but not the whole obituary. Sounds to me like an very honest assessment of her life. I have notice that there are never any drunks, abusers, murderers, cheaters, liars, etc that die, everyone is always honest, loving, caring, sober, church goers when their obituaries are written. Maybe the truth is hard to face but to these children their mother apparently wasn’t a good parent and they wanted to tell the truth instead of a lie. I hope somehow they can find peace and do not repeat with their own children which was done to them.

  • Janet Henderson

    My mother was mean and beat me and accused me of her husbands and told lies about me but about 20 years ago I found out why she was so mean she had hidden deamons and was treated really bad as a child. She was traded to a man 36 yrs old when she was 13 for cattle. She had 3 children before she was 18. She ran away at 18 left the children. She met my dad (which is a great person) and they had me. She never told my dad about the other girls until they got a divorce 11 yrs later I did not even know that I had sisters until the age of 9. She tried to shoot my husband (but I had took the bullets out of the gun), she told everyone my son was not my husbands. And for awhile I really hated her until I found out her story then my heart broke for her. In her mind she did not know what was right and what was wrong. I grew to love her so much because I understood her she made me a better mother to my children. When I lost her in 2010 it broke my heart because she never had a sane normal life but I pray to this day may she be in peace because she deserved it.

  • David

    As sad as this story is, in a way it is refreshingly honest. Too often have I heard and read of people memorialized as something and someone they were not in life; as if “B.S.ing” the situation is the proper way to show respect. An unfit parent can do irreparable harm to an innocent child. Why should we “look for the best” in evil and destructive people?

  • angie

    We are all human. I have had a similar experience. Sometimes I don’t think I even love my mother. I tolerate her because she is my mother. But because she gave birth to me, I will not write such an obituary. I’m at peace with my past. It’s their life. Sad, but it might have helped them release the anger they had been holding in all their life.

  • Rick

    God Bless you RIDDICK CHILDREN. I cried when I read the obituary. Only those having experienced this could ever believe it…that a mother would take the innocent trust of her children and willingly bring them constant and pointless physical pain and psychological abuse. I could have written your mother’s obituary as our stories are so similar. These women are the LOWEST of all predators and human beings…those abusing their own children. Again, God Bless you.

  • http://Yahoo Dave

    Wow. That’s amazing. I initially thought that this was a pretty tacky way of dealing with a child’s bitterness with his/her mom, but if the whole families in on it, the woman must have been a very evil, wicked woman. Maybe this give’s the family some closure. I hope they all live happy, healthy lives.

  • Vinny

    My Mother-in-law Violet was a cruel and evil person. She treated my wife like an unwanted stepchild and gave her other daughter everything.. On her deathbed, she begged me for forgiveness and I wouldn’t.

  • Solari

    Growing up I had a older brother who terrorized me he was more then 20 years older..my two older sisters also put up with his abuse..until my oldest sister died of cancer..he ate up the sympathy with his hang dog expression..a few weeks later he stepped up his physical, mental, emotional and verbal abuse on us..he would sneak and call us names..our father stepped in and ordered him to stop or get off his property..his abuse only stopped when someone was around..once I was helping him clean out his truck, he gave me a huge jar of change told me I could keep it..our father was standing behind him..when I finished helping I counted the change he asked how much was in the jar and I said $30 he demanded it back then told our father I stole it out of his truck..I was 13 and dumbfounded our father confronted him and told him he was a liar and he heard him give me the jar of change…I got to keep my $30 plus Daddy made him give me the $20 he promised me for helping out…as I got older his abuse got worse and it really escalated after our father died..he would tell lies on me turned my own family against me until his lies were found out..I had to call the police on him, once a cop heard him say “I will go to prison to put you in your grave” the cop confronted him on the phone..I filed a police report and his phone calls stopped..Christmas he asked for a truce “for Moms sake” right after he got back home after collecting his gifts he began his phone threats again..I finally got the h**l out of dodge, haven’t seen or spoken to him in 10 years..suddenly he calls me all poor little me wanting sympathy because he has cancer brain and lung also has emphysema..I hung up on him and have no intentions of coming in for his funeral. Suddenly he wants forgiveness after 20+ years of abuse…NOT! I plan on us having a HUGE cook out when I get the news he’s gone…BBQ time!

    • http://yahooo elizabeth hallstrom

      im so sorry that happened to you. my brother and sister have not spoken in 30 years. it stinks when you see other families and they seem to be kind to each other.

  • donna

    This obit did exactly what it was intended to do and so much more. I am so grateful for the courage of this family to share their pain so that so many more can heal. I, too, was/am a victim of an unloving, evil mother. Just two weeks ago, at the age of 53, I finally stood at her feet and let it out. I felt like Linda Blair in the exorcist spewing out all of the pain that this woman caused me all my life. I didn’t plan it, but I knew one day it would happen. I am now free. I have committed to not allowing such toxic meanness and cruelty in my life anymore. Of course she didn’t get anything I was saying and denies any ownership of the pain she has caused me and my family, but that doesn’t matter to me. I realize she will never get it, just as others have stated in their posts. I recommend to anyone who has suffered as this family did and my family did at the hands of a cruel, evil parent to free yourself. The day after I freed myself this was posted on Facebook: “Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, So love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don’t. And believe that everything happens for a reason… If you get a chance — take it. If it changes your life — let it. Nobody said it would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.” It was worth me staring down evil and saying you will be in my life no more! I wish strength and healing for all those who have and are suffering. One more thing, I read a book recently on this subject that helped me know I wasn’t alone; it’s called Etched in Sand by Regina Calcaterra.

  • Jo

    Such strong words. You would think as much hurt as this woman displays in this that she would of done better for her kids. But she abused them just the same. I could support a child abuse victim writing this, but not when they made their children victims too.

  • http://yahooo elizabeth hallstrom

    its about time!!! i could never understand the phony obits of people who were cruel and unjust in life. i just loved the truth was told. how very brave of the abuse survivers. my situation was the same.

  • Jim

    Any time I see something like this it makes me realize how lucky I am.
    I had the greatest parents a kid could have. We were so poor we were on welfare, but there was no doubt of the love and kindness show us kids. I hope my kids feel the same way, they seem to. I feel so sorry for people that had an unhappy childhood, it must be the worst feeling in the world.

  • jldarcy

    My father always said “if you want to be a man, be a rock on the corner and a rug at home” Don’t take your problems out on the family.
    If you hit anybody, especially children, all you teach them is, that if reason fails, use violence.

  • PHIL

    My mother was verbally and physically abusive as well. There are 25 years difference in age between my oldest sister and me. My sister became an even more abusive mother to her children and completely ruined her daughter who is now a raging hypochondriac and prescription junkie. I swore I would never treat my kids the way my mom treated us or the way my sister treated her kids. I have to admit that at times I’ve yelled at my kids but I avoided the cruel name calling and belittling that my mother used to dish out and I have never meted out any physical punishment to my kids. She is now 95 and getting frail. She still uses guilt as her control function although she is no longer verbally abusive because she knows none of us will put up with it and she needs us more than we need her. She denies any of her past abusive behavior which we have all come to terms with. By the same token, she was not all bad. After Dad died she worked hard to raise my youngest sister and me. We always had hot food on the table and a nice warm home in which to sleep but we paid the price!

  • http://AlabamaChildSupportLaws.com birmingham family law

    If one parent has care, the noncustodial parent’s share is normally paid to the custodial parent, or by both parents to a third revelry, if a third party has care.

  • Annie Keller

    I understand that these adult children have great cause to be angry, but to write such an ugly obituary speaks far more about who they are then about who the mother was.

    The mother may have suffered from an undiagnosed, severe case of Bipolar Disorder which is well known to cause some people to be very hostile, abusive, and cruel. Whatever the cause, people don’t become abusive and cruel for no reason. She was either severely abused herself or she was mentally ill. She herself was a victim of something or someone.

    These adult children need family therapy where they’ll get relief from their hatred which – to the degree that this obituary expresses it – has become a sickness in itself.

  • kristy

    Patti I’m so glad you were able to “hug it out” with your pervert uncle and grandfather but did they get help or did you just give them the validation they needed to molest other children??? I bet you allow him to babysit your children too. There’s forgiveness then there’s straight denial!!

  • cv

    This kind of reminds me of my teachers obit, that he even became a decent human being able to give us true life advice we could take outside of hs in our later yrs was amazing. I think of him every so often. I wished more teachers were like that. that treated students as young adults and not children. He came from an abusive alcoholic family, unwanted ( his family made no secret of that), was on the streets as a teenager became an alcoholic himself ( his wife and child died before him),then got his life together got a teaching degree :) ( all in the obit)