Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today we go heavy on the tweets about Scarlett Johansson and Sarah Palin, as they were both involved in some big NSFW internet news today. We also see why you should never claim to not care about your birthday. Enjoy!
@Fake_Dispatch
Fake DispatchBREAKING: If you see a link for “Scarlett Johansson pics” DON’T OPEN IT! It will make you late to work.
8 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@shitmydadsays
Justin“Bullshit. Don’t pretend you don’t care about your birthday. It’s like watching a hooker pretend she’s out for a walk when cops drive by.” 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@SklarBrothers
The Sklar BrothersSo Sarah Palin had a 1 night stand with Glen Rice back in ’87. He was always good at nailing things from beyond the arc(tic circle) 6 hours ago via WhoSay · powered by @socialditto
@EugeneMirman
Eugene MirmanDoes anyone know what the site was that had people writing Justin Bieber fantasies that was trending sometime in the last few weeks? 8 minutes ago via Twitterrific · powered by @socialditto
@ConanOBrien
Conan O’BrienMapquest is such a dramatic name. “Tell me, O Map Quest, how I doth get to the doughnut shop near Reggie’s house?” #slownewsday 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@MarylandMudflap
Scotty L.Woke up to what I thought was the sound of a broken ceiling fan. Turns out it was just every guy in the world fap’ing to Scarlett Johansson. 5 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@mpos
Mark PatrickWhat’s the shock about Glen Rice hooking up with Sarah Palin? He could always nail a 3. 6 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
@JenKirkman
Jen KirkmanI didn’t find Cat Stevens conversion to Islam a threat to America but I did find his cover of “Another Saturday Night” to be one. 1 hour ago via Twitter for BlackBerry® · powered by @socialditto
@therealzooeyd
zooey deschanel@mindykaling – should probably be called missoni for target for eBay. 17 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto
@MySecondEmpire
Chris JonesI wonder if Sarah Palin could see Russia from on top of Glen Rice. 7 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto
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