Samuel L. Jackson Asks Reddit to Construct a 300-Word Monologue for Him to ReadBy: Josh Wolford - May 30, 2013
Ultimate bad muthaphukka Samuel L. Jackson is looking to raise awareness (and cash, of course) for the Alzheimer’s society. And he’s doing it in a pretty amazing way.
Posted to reddit’s r/movies subreddit Wednesday, Jackson has made an offer reddit cannot refuse. Think up a 300-word or less monologue, post it in the comments, and whichever one gets the most upvotes will win. Win what? Well, it will be read, on video, by Jackson himself.
Here’s the post:
It’s simple, write 300 words and the most upvoted post I’ll read out loud in monologue form.
I’m doing this for one of my favorite non-profits, Alzheimer’s Society, as my family have been unfortunate enough to have been affected by the disease.
As a BONUS, I’m offering you all the chance to be flown to the UK for lunch with ME in return for just a tiny donation to this amazing cause. I’ll also sign a beloved Kangol hat and mail it to anyone that donates $200 or more!
Let’s go muthaphukkas give me something interesting to say!!!!
The post has received a lot of attention – too much, in fact. 4chan got wind of the content and, well, went all 4chan on it. I’ll let movies moderator girafa explain what happened:
Here’s what occurred: Within a few minutes of the posting of this thread, the internet forum 4Chan got wind of it and began a campaign to hijack this thread with the NavySeals copypasta, encouraging people to get accounts, upvote one comment and downvote the others. They even dox’d (found out the real identity of) the poster of the Alarm Clock monologue and have been harassing him all day.
Oh well, things look to be back on track – at least for now.
The contest (of sorts) ends on Thursday at midnight (PST). You can get to thinking, but this is the current most-upvoted monologue. It’s damn motivational, if I do say so myself (and full of colorful language, as you would expect).
(I call it “my new alarm clock.”)
Good morning, sunshine. It’s time to get up now. Another bright and beautiful day is out there, just waiting for you to go out and- stop. Do not hit that snooze button. Do not hit that god damned snooze button. You think anything great in this world ever got done by a lazy motherfucker who never even tried? You think it’s supposed to come easy? You think I’ve had it easy? Get your ass up. Get. Your ass. Up. Right now.
Beautiful things can be done in a day, god damn it. Tell someone you love them. Make art. Get into trouble, for fuck’s sake, hurt yourself, make someone happy, get laid. Quit your job, or destroy your job – whichever one it is you want to do, it starts with you rolling out of bed right now. And brush your teeth, god damn it, your breath smells like ass.
WAKE. UP. Now. Get the fuck out of bed. This is life. You’re not gonna make it out of here alive, you’re running out of time this very second, and you want to hit snooze? Did nobody tell you that you’re capable of great things? Do you need someone to tell you that shit? Here, if you’re gonna be a god damned fool, let me say it for you: I believe in you. I think you can do it. I think you’re the baddest, most batshit crazy and capable-of-anything motherfucker there ever was.
Now get the fuck out of bed and get something done.
Another popular idea was to have Mr. Jackson read The Raven, but replace the word “nevermore” with “motherfucker.” Good idea – except for two major issues. First, that poem is well over 1,000 words. And second, that’ll just throw off the rhyme, man. Not cool.
While you wait, enjoy this. I’m not sure that anything reddit comes up with can top this:[Image via Samuel L Jackson, Twitter]