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Rod Blagojevich, Gallagher, and Segways

Today's Funniest Tweets

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Rod Blagojevich, Gallagher, and Segways
[ Life]

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Enjoy!

Here we go Vanderbilt vs Harvard. Announcer just called it the “Pocket Protector Bowl” #nerdalert(image) 23 minutes ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

HBO cancelled “Luck” after 3 horses died during production – which makes sense because horses live forever if they’re not on TV.(image) 17 hours ago via Echofon ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Lame that HBO is canceling “Luck” after 3 horse deaths when Kevin James killed 11 zebras in “Zookeeper” & nobody complained.(image) 20 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

The good news is that with 14 years in jail, Rod Blagojevich won’t miss any Cubs playoff games.(image) 5 hours ago via TweetDeck ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY INTACT WATERMELONS EVERYWHERE I GO TODAY oh gallagher’s in the hospital(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Mitt Romney’s not following March Madness, but he has some friends who own college teams.(image) 1 hour ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

TOO BAD HBO CANCEL LUCK! IT WAS LOT LIKE HUNGER GAMES! BUT WITH HORSES INSTEAD!(image) 3 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Gallagher having a heart attack isn’t funny unless you imagine his heart smashing all of his arteries with a tiny mallet.(image) 1 hour ago via Twitter for iPhone ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Some advice for Rod Blagojevich. In the prison shower, you may not wanna take the time to shampoo, rinse and repeat.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Officials say the first job assigned to former IL Gov. Rod Blagojevich in prison will be latrine duty. He’ll probably try to sell the seat.(image) 22 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Rick Santorum can have my porn when he pries it from my lotiony dead hands.(image) 5 minutes ago via Tweetbot for iOS ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Hey @BearGrylls. New show idea: “Man vs. Wilde.” You sit in a chair reading Oscar Wilde poems while drinking your own urine.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

I think the hardest thing for someone waking from a 10 year coma would be the crushing disappointment we’re not all on Segways.(image) 2 hours ago via web ·  Reply ·  Retweet ·  Favorite · powered by @socialditto

Rod Blagojevich, Gallagher, and Segways
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