R Kelly recently missed out on the launch party for his new book “Soulacoaster” because he was having throat problems. After this revelation, we are now guessing that the real reason is that he was too embarrassed by its contents. TMZ was one of the few to actually read the book, and they are reporting that in it, R. Kelly blames his 2009 divorce to his former back-up dancer wife on the movie “The Notebook.”

“As the film credits started to roll, I couldn’t move. I burst into tears. People walking past me patted me on the back, trying to console me. ‘The Notebook’ was beautiful, and I was crying because its hero and heroine had died together.

But I was also crying because I remembered a Valentine’s Day — when a helicopter dropped a rainfall of roses — that had come and gone … My marriage had died. And there was nothing I could do to bring it back.”

So without helicopters dropping flowers on your head, your marriage was meaningless. This has got to be the most ignorant, self-absorbed BS I have ever heard. When has real life love ever been like The Notebook? It’s a female masturbatory fantasy written by a mediocre author in an attempt to rob lonely women of their cash. That’s it. No one has a life like this.

Nicholas Sparks has ruined enough lives with this garbage… If you don’t find forbidden love in a melodramatic way (and apparently with helicopter roses bombarding you from above) then you are not in love. Please.