Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
I can’t afford anything from Pottery Barn, so I buy new furniture from Target and then beat the shit out of it with a chain.
I just restarted my free Netflix account, now it doesn’t know what I’ve seen #FirstWorldProblems
Technically Linens ‘n Things could just be called Things.
I could never be on a reality show because I wouldn’t want my mom to see the faces I make when I talk to her on the phone.
HBO says they will sue Roger Clemens for trademark infringement if he gets a perm.
Well, I can think of at least one member of the Congress who doesn’t know the back story of Mariska Hargitay’s character on SVU.
Things you shouldn’t bother closing: 1. Bag of chips 2. Laptop screen 3. Anything else you’re eating or looking at.
So 50 SHADES OF GREY is keeping Barnes & Noble alive. No wonder I saw a bookseller clad in pleather and installing a ceiling swing.
Augusta has admitted Condoleezza Rice as a member. That’s called ‘two birds with one stone’.
If Puerto Rico becomes a state, I’m guessing there’ll be a parade.
I’m going to take a picture of some frayed wires and say it’s an iPhone 5 part. Try fitting that in your picture.
It’s like @ToddAkin is screwing the GOP even though they asked him not to. There should be a word for that.