Pinnacle Achieved: You Can Unlock the New iPhone with Your Peen

    September 25, 2013
    Josh Wolford

Last year, when Apple unveiled the iPhone 5, reviews of the device reached their logical conclusion as some guy had sex with one. Not really, but he pretended to – and it was funnyish.

Now, in a life-affirming twist of reality mimicking (admittedly immature) art, we have confirmation that you can in fact unlock your new iPhone 5S with your wiener.

Apple’s new iPhone 5S comes with Touch ID, technology built into the home button that doubles as a fingerprint identity sensor. It reads your fingerprint multiple times, constructing a detailed scan of your print so that you can use it as a security bypass. Apple says that it should replace the pesky task of having to punch in the four-digit passcode every time you unlock your phone. It can also be used as an access point for approving purchases on iTunes and such.

It’s so futuristic that it pretty much begged for someone to rub their junk all over it.

Enter Digital Trends writer Andrew Couts, who did the leg-work and proved that Apple’s new Touch ID responds quite favorably to another body part. He ran a test of a couple of other parts like his knuckle and his elbow without much success. The damn thing just couldn’t get a clear enough read. Finally, he unzipped his pants and…

Lastly, I went with the most secure body part I could think of – and all I will say is that I had to take off my pants. Unlike the knuckle and elbow, however, registering my nether region was a breeze. (It was quite chilly, in fact.) And not only did I successfully register this private part with relative ease, I was also able to use it to unlock the device. I think you can understand why there isn’t a video of this one.

Let’s see them* try to hack this one, fellas.

Thankfully, Couts decided to forgo the video demonstration. In lieu of that, here’s some guy unlocking his new iPhone 5S with his nipple.

Please read this in the creepiest voice you can imagine: Your move, ladies.

*Hackers. People who hack things. Those hacker dudes.

Image via Apple


Josh Wolford
Josh Wolford is a writer for WebProNews. He likes beer, Japanese food, and movies that make him feel weird afterward. Mostly beer. Follow him on Twitter: @joshgwolf Instagram: @joshgwolf Google+: Joshua Wolford StumbleUpon: joshgwolf