Nicole Scherzinger Talks About Her Bulimia Hell, Calling It An 'Endless, Vicious Cycle'

Pam WrightLife

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Nicole Scherzinger put on her bravest face and held nothing back in talking about her debilitating struggle with bulimia in the August edition of Cosmopolitan U.K. magazine.

"I had such a great life on the outside, the Dolls were on top of the world, but I was miserable on the inside," said the ex-Pussycat Dolls singer. "I’m never letting that happen again."

The 36-year-old went public with her addiction in 2012 and concedes that sharing the darkest moments of her long-secret eating disorder is still very painful.

"Thinking about it I try not to well up,' she said.

"It is such a horrible, paralyzing disease and it was such a dark time for me," said Scherzinger. "I didn't think anyone knew in my group or in my family because I hid it that well, I was so ashamed. I knew it wasn't normal or healthy because I was hurting myself through this cycle of disordered eating. It was my drug, my addiction. It's an endless vicious cycle."

The former X-Factor judge says it took nearly losing her voice and blacking out while on tour to finally force her to deal with her addiction.

"I had started losing my voice, I couldn't sing at shows, and then I remember my manager finding me passed out on the floor in Malta or in the south of France," she recalls. "I thought, 'I'm going to lose everything I love if I don't love myself.'"

Scherzinger said that today she is healthy, but still struggles with another issue in her life — being incredibly shy.

"I get past my shyness by making everything about others and not thinking about myself," she says. "That's what I did on The X Factor – I can be goofy and playful when it's about the acts. They are like my babies. But when I'm off stage I'm not as big and animated ... for me all my smiles and confidence are a triumph because it came from a broken place."

Image via Nicole Scherzinger, Instagram

Pam Wright