Microsoft’s Creepy Brain Scan Patent App

The Matrix has you

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I think before the robots take over everything and use us for batteries, it will appear that humans have hyper-evolved into mechanically enhanced super-sapiens. But that’s really just to build false confidence in us. A recent Microsoft patent application is perhaps the next step toward that digitally created human battery soup dream.

Microsoft's Creepy Brain Scan Patent App

They’ll likely make use of the friggin’ paperclip*, who appears on whichever screen you’re using and says: "It looks like you’re having a nervous breakdown, and that’s bad for production. Bob’s pretty good at this kind of thing. I’ll ask him to give you a hand."

The Friggin’ Paperclip is aware you’re having trouble, according to the patent app, because it evaluates "one or more physiological or environmental sensors to detect at least one of heart rate, galvanic skin response, EMG, brain signals, respiration rate, body temperature, movement, facial movements, facial expressions, and blood pressure."

Yes, brain signals. The Friggin’ Paperclip will detect your brain signals. It can do so from a desktop computer, a laptop, cell phone, pocket PC phone, PDA, or compact handheld PC.

It judges all those things to decide if and when "the target user" (do we have to use the word "target?") is having trouble with a target activity, and combines user activity data that has been aggregated such as "current activity, experience with the target activity, interruptibility, skill level, priority of current activity compared to priority of the target activity, cost, and success rate with the target activity."

But wait, it gets better. The Friggin’ Paperclip is also monitoring these things in coworkers and knows their "experience with the target activity or certain aspects of the target activity, availability (e.g. free time, schedule open, proximity, or location), social distance from the target user, work patterns and interruptibility, success/failure history with respect to the target activity, cost, current state, current activity, and/or performance rating for the target activity or for activities related or similar to the target activity," and will ask them to help. 

Or it can just provide the target user with a hyperlink. 

So there you have it. No more daydreaming at work. The Friggin’ Paperclip will know you’re thinking about your boss’s daughter. Hmmm. Which color pill am I supposed to take again?

*This is not meant to be taken literally. Nowhere in the patent application does it mention the use of the animated paperclip.


Microsoft’s Creepy Brain Scan Patent App
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  • http://www.bluewavedesignstudio.com/seo_web_design.php Web Design Raleigh

    That is friggin awsome.. Now if they can only build and opperating system  that actually works like its supposed to, that would be great.

  • http://www.hemroidshelp.com hemroids

    This technology doesn’t surpise me; there is already in works a device which monitors brain waves and is able to use those electromagnetic waves to power a video game. I have seen this technology on Youtube.com.

    I guess the redeeming part is once humans get to the end of trying to conquer everything possible, and find they cannot actually create a conscious soul – something that has intuition and can actually process meaning – then they will look into their own selves to find the real answers.

    No matter how far technology goes, man will not be able to develop a computer that truly creates creative meaning in content. They may develop sophisticated computers than can use symbols to process meaning, but those symbols need further symbols to create meaning ad infinitum.

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    Am I the only one that finds this very scary at a human level?

  • http://www.squidoo.com/gasmg ocdgirl2000

    gee. maybe it can print out a reading for people who have seizures? Then it can be emailed to the neurologist, saving the patient a 10 hr wait in the emergency room that costs the insurer $2000?

    Or, it can detect if someone is about to HAVE a seizure? That would be a very good thing for parents whose children have them! As nurse, I would recommend them!

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