Mega Millions, Carson Daly, and Warm Pillows
Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
I just watched the Ray Lewis speech and ran in the street and stabbed someone
Kids These Days have no idea what it’s like to only have 151 Pokemon.
Carving a picture of tits into my 7th grade desk with a pocketknife was my original Draw Something.
BREAKING: Greece Buys Mega Millions Ticket
Just hearing Ray Lewis on tape makes me want to run through a wall and take the fall for first degree murder.
My excitement for Anchorman 2 was immediately destroyed by the prospect of absolute turds spouting new Anchorman quotes. Constantly.
Carson Daly’s homophobic? Oh man, he’s going to freak out when he meets Carson Daly.
To clarify, Khloe Kardashian has severed ties with “PETA,” not “pizza.”
Michelle Duggar says that overpopulation is a lie, and 75% of the world’s population agree (they’re Duggars too).
The Mega Millions frenzy proves what they say: A fundamental lack of understanding of the laws of probability makes the world go around.
Keep in mind that if George Zimmerman had sold Trayvon Martin marijuana instead of shooting him to death, he’d already be in jail.
BREAKING: Amazon to close 50 of their “Best Buy” electronics showrooms.
All my Draw Something pictures end up looking like bats. DEAL WITH IT.