Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
If milk and peanut butter are any indications, scientists are now at work on a shittier Mars Rover made of almonds.
I have receipts in my car that are so old they think Elvis Presley's dancing is inappropriate
Laziness, not necessity, is the Mother of Invention. Consider that there were only 3 TV channels before the advent of the remote control.
Just so we're all clear: NASA is getting a direct feed from a robot on Mars, but I still can't make a cell phone call from my basement.
For morale's sake, I hope they didn't show Curiosity the first 45 minutes of Wall-e.
Unless your dream involves us boning or you telling me about your dream will result in us boning, don't tell me about your dream.
Say what you want about the Amish....because they're not on Twitter.
Obamacare is making Papa Johns pizza less affordable? It's already working, you guys.
My political views are so diverse, that none of favorite restaurants completely support all of them. #firstworldproblems
I'm already looking forward to Ryan Lochte's first mugshot.
Randy Travis attained a level of DWI that NFL players only dream of reaching.
JULY HOTTEST MONTH IN U.S. HISTORY! PERSONALLY! DRUNK HULK THINK IT NO GOOD IDEA TO SEXUALLY OBJECTIFY ANY MONTH!
On a scale from Randy Travis to Nick Noltes mugshot how bad did your drivers license photo turn out?