Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Florida goes to Obama. It’s looking more and more like Mitt Romney might not win this thing.
When my buddy asked me to hang in his man cave I didn’t know he meant his ass so after 20 minutes in there I made some excuse and left.
I’ve only been in Dallas for 12 minutes and I already intercepted a pass from Tony Romo
Hey fellow #drug fans, I would like to purchase some amphetamines. Meet me outside the McDonalds across from the police station.
Pickles = Zombie Cucumbers
Everyone’s worried that Diane Sawyer was drunk on Tuesday but to be honest weren’t most of us?
It appears I lack the patience needed to not tell a vending machine to “go fuck itself” when it doesn’t accept my dollar on the first try.
Ok, so we’ve heard what Ted Nugent, Victoria Jackson and Chuck Woolery had to say about the election. Anybody interview the kid from ALF?
Did we ever reach a consensus as to whether or not ‘GHOSTBUSTERS’ is a documentary?
I really need to send a text message while driving, but all the traffic lights I hit keep turning green. #firstworldproblems
Somewhere Karl Rove is arguing that Darth Vader can’t possibly be Luke’s father.
Rib WHAT, frogs?