Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Ugly scene on House floor today: Rep. Bobby Rush wore a hoodie and Boehner tried to shoot him.
Just bought a Mega Millions ticket at the deli. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna win, so I also bought 363 million bucks worth of yogurt.
Breaking News: JetBlue to charge extra for captains that aren't insane.
I saw Alicia Silverstone soaring over my house this morning, searching for prey.
A Sound That May Play On Loop In Hell: Anyone eating cereal.
Now Magic Johnson has something worse than AIDS... the Dodgers.
Dancing with the Stars should call itself "Dancing With The People You Kinda Know From Somewhere But Don't Really Care Anyways".
If black children shouldn't wear hoodies then Geraldo should shave his mustache so people don't think he's a child molester.
Megan Fox is pregnant. Brian Austin Green is the father. If you need me, I'll have my head in the toilet, wondering where it all went wrong.
In yet another change in the upcoming Ninja Turtles movie, Michael Bay announced today they'll now be named after sandwich artists.
Nadya Suleman the Octomom is a M.I.L.F. Mom I'd Like to Forget.
Can America declare Eddie Murphy a tax write-off?
Kids who drink coffee are assholes.
I have no respect for people who shit on my lawn through a dog intermediary. Do it yourself, cowards.
Apparently, museums don't like it when you try to improve the paintings.