Follow @jonnydiaz

Jonny Diaz
@jonnydiaz

It’s shark week again?!? I feel like I just took down the decorations from last year.

Follow @PaulRyanGosling

Paul Ryan Gosling
@PaulRyanGosling

Hey girl, let’s put on Stairway to Heaven so I can trickle down all over you.

Follow @littlesimonB

Simon barlow
@littlesimonB

the spice girls performance was delayed because Victoria Beckham got mistaken for a javelin and was locked in the equipment cupboard

Follow @nathanrabin

Nathan Rabin
@nathanrabin

Jennifer Aniston is engaged! So excited to finally see something go right for that incredibly hot, world-famous multimillionaire.

Follow @StevenAmiri

Steven Amiri
@StevenAmiri

I’d like to wish a Happy Shark Week to Kirsten Dunst’s teeth.

Follow @clarkekant

Clarke Kant
@clarkekant

Keyboards should give an electric shock with each keystroke when caps lock is on.

Follow @firstworldme

First World Problems
@firstworldme

I cooked pasta then realised there wasn’t quite enough pesto left in the jar to coat the volume of pasta I wanted… #firstworldproblems

Follow @TheTweetOfGod

God
@TheTweetOfGod

The global economy is NSFW.

Follow @JennyJohnsonHi5

Jenny Johnson
@JennyJohnsonHi5

“Back to being freakishly tiny.” – Olympians

Follow @bazecraze

Alex Baze
@bazecraze

I miss the days when my biggest fear was getting shampoo in my eyes.

Follow @juliussharpe

Julius Sharpe
@juliussharpe

There’s nothing more sickening than the minute of glee after someone who went to Harvard discovers someone else went to Harvard.

Follow @meganamram

Megan Amram
@meganamram

If you have an erection lasting four or more hours, immediately seek a HIGH FIVE