Holly Madison, Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt were famous even before their reality TV careers took off. The trio lived at the Playboy Mansion and were at the beck and call of Hugh Hefner. The world sat aghast at revelations of Viagra-fueled orgies and scandal before the three women came out of the Mansion and into their individual spotlights.

Now Holly Madison is spilling the secrets of life inside the Playboy Mansion, and the picture she paints of the Head Playboy himself, Hugh Hefner, is not a pretty one.

Madison says Hefner offered her pills one of the first times she met him.

“‘Would you like a Quaalude?’ Hef asked, leaning toward me with a bunch of large horse pills in his hands, held together by a crumpled tissue,” Madison recounts. She turned the pills down.

“Hef did not miss a beat: ‘Okay, that’s good,’ he said, nonchalantly. ‘Usually, I don’t approve of drugs, but you know, in the ‘70s they used to call these pills thigh openers.’”

#TrustNoOne

— Holly Jean Madison (@hollymadison) June 3, 2015

While Kendra Wilkinson has characterized Madison as scheming to get pregnant by Hefner to get rid of the other two girls, Holly says it was Hefner who tried to scheme to keep her from ever leaving. She says he did this by dangling an offer that he thought she couldn’t refuse. Holly found a folder lying on her bed with a document inside.

“It was there, in black and white,” she wrote. “The will stated that $3,000,000 would be bestowed to Holly Madison at the time of his death (provided I still lived in the Mansion). At the time, it was more money than I’d ever know what to do with… But I didn’t want it. I actually pitied him for stooping to that level. I couldn’t help but be offended. Did he really think he could buy me? I put the folder back on the bed just as I had found it and never breathed a word of it.”

While Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt are on good terms, Kendra Wilkinson is not. Madison had choice words for the woman she called “the fakest person” she had ever met, she does admit that she believes that Hugh Hefner himself prodded that distrust and animosity.

“I learned Hef was the manipulator and that he pitted us against one another,” Madison says. “I realized I wasn’t treated well. I’m done being afraid of people. I don’t have any loyalty to Hef. I haven’t talked to him in four years, so there’s no reason to reach out now. Besides, it’s the truth.”

Madison says she was so sick of her life at the Playboy Mansion that she tried to drown herself.

“I just couldn’t take my misery anymore,” she says.

Holly Madison’s new book about her adventures is called Down the Rabbit Hole: Curious Adventures and Cautionary Tales of a Former Playboy Bunny. She says she wrote it because she wants her daughter, two-year-old Rainbow, to eventually read it.

“I want her to understand why I made the choices I made,” Madison says. “And hopefully learn from them and not make stupid mistakes herself.”

Can't wait! https://t.co/tlLr5dkNec

— Holly Jean Madison (@hollymadison) May 21, 2015