Halloween Costumes That May Land You in Hot WaterBy: Alex Williams - October 28, 2013
The cold is setting in, hot chocolate is brewing and seducing with its aroma, and pumpkins are being carved for a little pagan festival called Halloween. For some, it’s a time where one stays curled up on their couch in a big warm blanket, ignores the little sugar fiends outside ringing their doorbell, and watches the ABC broadcasting of Hocus Pocus. For others, it’s a night of debauchery, sexy costumes, and an awesome excuse to dress up in a creative matter and go to a wild party. But before the impulses you practice are faced with inevitable consequences, consider going out in style, not dressed as the following:
What is it? Why, it’s our beloved commander-in-chief, Barack O… dear lord what is that thing?! “Barackula,” is a play on words, like Dracula, and thus, the “clever” mask.
What happens when you wear it: This is really a gamble here depending on what state you’re in, but some politically sensitive people might take offense. That, or, you might be getting high fives all around if you’re at John Boehner’s party.
What others may think: “How tacky”, “He must really not like the President”, “OMG, so true!!”, “Ha, that’s cute”, “Creepy”, “You wasted $30 on that?!”
What is it? It appears to be a snake charmer who’s penis is the snake. Oh, the hilarity will ensue with this little number.
What happens when you wear it: Everyone may think you’re immature, and you’ll have to constantly explain why you chose this costume. You’re stuck with the choice of either having to hold your flute up to make your snake dance, or have it flopping around between your legs. Can you imagine ordering a drink or dancing while your dangler dangles?
What others may think: “How old is he?”, “What a weirdo.”, “What is wrong with this guy?”, “We got an APB on a man exposing himself in public, send back up.”
What is it? James Holmes, the university student responsible for the mass shooting that killed 12 people at a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado, on July 20, 2012.
What happens when you wear it: If someone happens to take a picture and tags you in a Facebook photo wearing this, you may end up losing any chance of further employment.
What others may think: “That’s horrible, what poor taste!”, “How can someone wear a mask like this? The shooting happened last year!”
What is it? A pun that makes light of anorexia? It comes with a measuring tape to better illustrate the point that you are “Anna Rexia”, and not just some gal in a full bodied skeleton skirt.
What happens when you wear it: Nothing happens, or you wind up explaining who you are and why you’re carrying a measuring tape.
What others may think: “Oh cool, she’s a skeleton.” “Uh… Anna Rexia? Really? That’s a costume?”
What is it? The leftover costume you see at the Halloween store. This is a costume that helps drive the point that is sex by demonstrating an outlet and plug.
What happens when you wear it: If you care about letting people know who you are, your buddy, gal, or partner is going to have to stick by you for most of the time.
What others may think: “Ha.”, “How tacky.”, “Is that penis plug man?”
What is it? A sexualized version of Bert and Ernie.
What happens when you wear it: Some may wonder how one could possibly combine sexy into a kids show about puppets, but it does happen. A lot of unwanted attention may occur, or you’ll be scoffed at.
What others may think: “My childhood is ruined.”; “My childhood is enhanced.”
What is it? A used Kung-Fu Tampax pad equipped with two used tampons sticks tied together as nun chucks.
What happens when you wear it: Stomachs will churn, and you will be kicked out of the club or bar.
What others may think: “Absolutely disgusting.”, “I feel like throwing up.”
What is it? Jesus #$%ing Christ. Nothing better than playing on the qualms of a common phrase and make it into a costume.
What happens when you wear it: Militant atheists will laugh, Christians will be extremely disgusted, and a lot of people will think you have poor taste.
What others may think: “This is blasphemy!”, “How can someone be so crude to another’s beliefs?”, “Disrespectful.”
(Pictures via Ebay (1), Party City (1), (2), Amazon (1), (2), (3), (4), Grimreapers.com (1), (2), College Humor (1), Yandy.com (1), Fancydressball.co.uk (1), (2), Cracked.com, Huffington Post, Halloweenparty13.com, wtfcostumes.com, twitpic.com, buzzfeed.com, wikicommons.com)