Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Happy National Pretzel Day? I didn't realise that attempted Presidential assassins got rewarded with their own day
Wonder how many novels Stephen King wrote this morning.
It's "Take Your Child To Work" day. In Arizona, an erection or a box of tampons qualify.
As Obama slow-jammed the news on Fallon, I bet Gingrich slowly jammed a meatball sub down his throat while watching Guy Fieri.
My wife is pissed off at me for peeing in the shower. I didn't mean to, sometimes it just happens while you're shitting.
NFL draft begins tonight. Low rumble you hear in Philadelphia is Eagles fans practicing their booing.
BURGER KING GO CAGE FREE BY 2017! DRUNK HULK NO BELIEVE IN DISCRIMINATION! NO MATTER HOW AWFUL NIC CAGE IS!
Why would Roger Goodell suspend the Pro Bowl? It's the one game that has his beloved no contact of any kind.
If TLC's really going to make a hologram Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopes, they should also make a hologram Andre Rison's house for it to burn down.
Bobby Brown sentenced to being Bobby Brown in DUI case. Experts say that's punishment enough.
"HAHAHA! whoopsies." — God making Danny DeVito
Today is Take Your Child to Work Day. Sadly, after Luke blew up the Death Star, I can no longer participate in this day.
You don't need to put something about wine in your internet bio, we can see that you're white.