FBI Enlists Makeup Vendors, Tattoo Shops For Help In War On Terrorism
The Federal Bureau of Investigation has released a collection of 25 fliers to assorted businesses in order to help promote their “Communities Against Terrorism” campaign. The fliers are designed to help employees easily identify “suspicious persons” who might be hiding some terrorism cards up their sleeves.
Different businesses received different fliers based on what industry they’re involved in, such as airport service providers, rental cars, and financial institutions. The fliers were released privately to the businesses but, as these things are wont to do, the fliers eventually made their way into the public.
While some businesses, such as the examples listed above, might be natural allies in the FBI’s anti-terrorism effort, some of the other businesses entreated to help the FBI are a little puzzling, to say the least. For instance, did you know that tattoo parlors and MAC makeup counters are popular watering holes for terrorists? Because they are! Well, at least according to the FBI. Check out the flier below that was issued to tattoo shops.
(As much as this sounds like a joke, I assure you this is real.)
So remember: the next time you and three of your best buds visit your local tattoo artist to get matching tattoos of some goofy character that supposedly means “bravery,” you may be getting profiled as a suspected terrorist. And for the love of god, don’t bring any friends that are missing any digits. Everybody knows those people are nothing but bad news.
Alternately, those of you who frequently add to your makeup collection might be causing a blip on the FBI’s radar as well. Here’s the flier the FBI issued to beauty/drug distributors:
I’d just like to point out that “travels illogical distance to store” and “evasive or vague about intended use of products” perfectly describes every teenager’s first experience with buying condoms at a drug store. Might wanna consider keeping it in your pants, kiddos, or else you might be drawing some federal-level heat.