Don’t Leave Microsoft For Google Or Else Steve Ballmer Will Throw A Chair

    July 5, 2012

Now, I know what you’re thinking: Microsoft has never been a fan of Google. To that I would say, “You are right, dear reader,” but did you know that Microsoft really doesn’t like Google. You could maybe even say that it’s a hatred most foul.

This month’s issue of Vanity Fair has a wonderful-sounding story called “How Microsoft Lost Its Mojo.” I’ve never read Vanity Fair in my life, but this sounds like one of those juicy stories that the tech geek in me would love to read. While the piece in question isn’t online yet, Beta Beat got their hands on a copy and let us know what is contained therein.

While the piece talks in length about the many times Microsoft failed to be the first in line at innovation, it’s one part in particular that’s really great. There apparently was a time when a Microsoft engineer left for Google and Steve Ballmer threw a chair. Wow, apparently we got a badass over here, but wait, it gets better. After venting his anger by throwing furniture, he reportedly told the traitor engineer this:

“Fucking Eric Schmidt is a fucking pussy!” Ballmer yelled, according to the court document. “I’m going to fucking bury that guy! I have done it before and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking kill Google.”

So that was in 2004. Has Ballmer made good on his threat? Not really, as Google’s stocks sit around $597 a share while Microsoft’s is a paltry $30 a share. Of course, looking at pure market worth isn’t fair.

Let’s take a look at the technology as well. Latest report from Net Market Share pegs Android as owning 19.73 percent of the smartphone market. Windows Phone is categorized in other and only makes up for 1.42 percent.

More damning, Google announced the Nexus 7 for a release this month at $200 and has already shown off plenty of content. Microsoft showed off its Surface tablet and didn’t even manage to show a single piece of impressive software running on the device nor did they announce a price.

The only thing that Microsoft still has the upper hand over Google on is operating systems. We could chalk that up to how entrenched Windows is all over the world though. Google’s Chrome OS just hasn’t had a chance to really wow anybody besides developers yet.

Don’t take this as me hating on Microsoft though. I love them and I love Windows. I think the Surface looks fantastic from a technology standpoint, but I don’t know if it can compete with the low price and entertainment friendly Nexus 7, Kindle Fire or the almighty iPad.

Microsoft has made some goofs in the past and hopefully this Vanity Fair article will help them realize that they’re no longer the dominant force in tech. They make great software and they might even make great hardware one day. We just can’t forget the one time that Ballmer lost his cool and called Schmidt a “fucking pussy.”