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Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, Charlie Sheen, and Pierced Ears

Today's Funniest Tweets

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Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, Charlie Sheen, and Pierced Ears
[ Social Media]

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Today we have tweets about the Roast of Charlie Sheen as well as the premiere of the new Two and a Half Men. We also find why it’s hard to look masculine at a Starbucks, no matter what you do. Enjoy!

Approx 6,747,435,699 other people on Earth joined me in not giving a shit about last night’s “Two and a Half Men” premiere. 21 minutes ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Threats are a violation of Twitter’s rules. RT: @justinbieber: oh yeah…and i think LESS THAN A MONTH…Im gonna give you some #newmusic 1 hour ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto

When ur relatives drive you crazy just close your eyes & pretend it’s dialogue in a woody allen movie 1 hour ago via WhoSay · powered by @socialditto

@CharlieSheen‘s the reason a dick with cocaine on it is called a #Sheenis.” @SethMacFarlane #SheenRoast http://t.co/jj9DFiif 15 hours ago via twitter ads · powered by @socialditto

To learn more about the housewives, got to bravotv.com. To learn more THAN the housewives, read any book ever. 13 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

How old is Manny? RT @espn At what age does it become lame to bring your glove to the ballpark? 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

‘FIERCE METAL JACKET’ #DADT 1 hour ago via web · powered by @socialditto

If I’m to believe television, and it’s never lied to me before, the 1960′s were dimly lit and everyone was a dick. 3 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

50% of marriages end in a man over 40 getting his ear pierced. 11 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · powered by @socialditto

(The experience of deciding to not use) Google+ is now open to everyone! 2 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

A guy could fuck a woman on top of the counter at Starbucks and he’d still sound gay ordering a chai tea latte with cinnamon sprinkles. 7 hours ago via Echofon · powered by @socialditto

I keep getting these creepy late-night phone calls from the CEO of Netflix saying that no one else is ever going to love me like he does. 4 hours ago via web · powered by @socialditto

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, Charlie Sheen, and Pierced Ears
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