Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
Today everyone is tweeting about Cyber Monday, although I think some people might have missed the point. Plus, we learn how Eli Whitney could have increased his street cred.
To celebrate cyber Monday I just ordered a Disney Rapunzel Princess, then beat the shit out of my computer.
Next time someone says “I don’t have a racist bone in my body!”, ask “Then why are they all white?”
#CyberMonday seems like one of those fake holidays that was made up just to get people to buy things, like Christmas.
No one really cared all that much when the Grinch stole Hanukkah.
If Eli Whitney had any street cred, he would’ve invented the cotton gin and juice.
When discussing “cost of human life” in Black Friday aftermath coverage, measure it against savings on that fantastically marked-down Wii.
Everyone thinks parents on Facebook are lame, so I’ve been going through and liking all of Luke’s pics just to annoy him.
I always thought I’d be older by now.
All you need to have is a really nice face and you can make money and get followers on twitter.
#CyberMonday deals for third-parties: 20,000 users’ personal information for $5,000. Just kidding (or am I?).Our
Is it possible for an atheist to love Tebow? God only knows.
Oh Jesus! Too much Tabasco on my eggs. IT BURNS! IT BURNS!!! I can’t handle spicy foods.
Sometimes when I want to feel dirty, I’ll go and read Steve Jobs’ biography on my Kindle.
Black Friday. Cyber Monday. They’re just the hors d’ouvres to the main course: Lexus’ December to Remember.
In preparation for Cyber Monday, I just pepper sprayed my computer…