Conan O'Brien took to LinkedIn to explain why he turned down the Microsoft CEO job, which was recently awarded to longtime staffer Satya Nadella.
This is Conan's fifth LinkedIn post since becoming a "LinkedIn Influencer" last fall.
Conan congratulates Nadella on his new role, telling him he was "the right second choice." He continues:
Sure, the Microsoft board never technically asked me to be their CEO. I did, however, get a tweet from Bill Gates once. So, you do the math. That is why I was proactive, as business visionaries often are, and sent a very nice “thanks, but no thanks” note with an Edible Arrangement to their Redmond, Washington campus.
The complete lack of any response to my flat-out rejection of their non-offer spoke volumes. One day, I'm sure they'll get over it.
It would have been easy to run a scrappy start-up like Microsoft. As easy as booting up Windows ‘98 on my Compaq Presario and winning a game of Minesweeper.
Turning Microsoft back into an industry titan like Wang or Commodore would have required a simple three point action-plan: 1. Zune 2. More Zune 3. Even More Zune.
He goes on to say that he would have spent hundreds of millions marketing to get everyone in America to "'Bing their symptoms' after that weekend trip to Jaurez' and would add a new "Tiny Windshield WIpers" peripheral device to Surface purchases. Also, all versions of Windows would come with Scarlett Johnansson's voice, and Excel would have built-in Instagram filters.
It's nice to see that after about four months, Conan's still having fun with LinkedIn, where he has so far amassed 132,661 followers. He's got a ways to go to catch Richard Branson, whom LinkedIn plasters all over just about everything.
Image via LinkedIn