Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
It's Friday - so enough from me, let's get to the funny. Enjoy!
I'm going to celebrate Columbus Day by going out for Indian food, getting lost, winding up at American Grille and enslaving the staff.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last long if you're morbidly obese.
Scooter riders are exactly the same as motorcycle riders except for all the penises in their butts.
Despite the fan cries, billboards, and seeing Tebow's face in his toast this morning, John Fox still sticking with Orton.
There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's 😉
@Applebees: Never, have I ever __________Said "Yum!" in an Applebee's. RT
Hey people that sit on planes not reading, listening to or watching anything: you look like serial killers.
BARTENDER GIVE DRUNK HULK LIGHT BEER BY MISTAKE! THAT LIKE GET SKEET ULRICH WHEN YOU WANT JOHNNY DEPP!
I love E.L.O. because, if you say it the right way, you're a fun dad answering the phone.
All distances should be expressed in the standard journalistic unit, the football field.
Lamar Odom got his Kardashian at a scratch and dent sale.
The fact that only Muggles win the Nobel Peace Prize never ceases to amaze me.
TRIVIA: A-Rod was originally cast in Hugh Jackman's roll for "Real Steel", but nobody wanted to watch a robot swing and miss for 2 hours.