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Busty Girls: Why It Sucks To Be Us

Big girl problems...

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Since National Cleavage Day (March 30) was talked up on Twitter this year, and after “12 Problems That Only Busty Girls Have” was introduced online, there followed a more positive take on well-endowed ladies called “6 Perks Of Being a Busty Girl” (notice there are considerably fewer perks than problems) …and I can say, with absolute confidence, that they are all true. Because, well, I’ve experienced them all.

While I have learned to (pretty much) appreciate my hourglass figure, there are lots of downsides to being large and in charge, and ultimately very few rewards that come with it. Here are some of the worst side-effects.

Back/Neck Pain

I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that most women who have higher than a C cup wouldn’t wish it on their worst enemy. Sure, they’re nice to look at and they fill out a sweater something fierce, but at the cost of a gnarled spine and permanent shoulder-strap indentions? No thanks.

Nothing Fits Correctly!

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Okay, I can maybe overlook the lack of cute bras in big sizes (unless you want to pay double at a specialty store), although it’s pretty disheartening to go lingerie shopping, find several adorable bras right away, and then place them back on the rack before heading over to the “big girl” section, which is invariably filled with seven shades of nude and beige and resemble something a ’50s housewife would wear. I made my peace with this a long time ago. So I have to spend a little extra to find non-heinous bras in my size. I can live with that.

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What really sucks, however, is trying to find clothing which not only fits correctly, but flatters a figure that is big on top and little in the middle. Forget about button-down shirts of any kind, because there will always be one infuriating button in the middle that refuses to get with the program and creates a huge, unsightly gap which shows that lovely beige bra. Also, if you fit your breasts, the rest of the garment will be big and tent-like. If you wear anything remotely form-fitting in order to better flatter your figure, you are either given unwelcome wolf-whistles by male passerby or “Who does she think she is?” stares by other women. Lesson? You can’t win. Just buy a potato sack and be done with it.

Crumbs In The Cleavage

Self explanatory, really. If you are eating in public, you have two options: leave them there, where they will get itchy, or attempt to casually shake them out of your bra. This is not easy to do, and you will wind up drawing attention to yourself either way.

YOU CAN NEVER GO WITHOUT A BRA

This is perhaps my strongest argument for why busty ladies get the short end of the stick. We can only imagine being able to run out to the store for a quick errand without throwing on one of these despicable things. In reality, it’s just not feasible. I suppose there are a few women among us who think it’s acceptable, but honestly, they are in the minority here. If I’m expecting to be around other people, I have a bra on, and that just sucks. If you’ve ever worked a long day and then come home to wait for the cable guy for three hours, you know what I’m talking about.

I’m not saying I don’t love my girls. We’ve been through a lot and they are still holding up pretty well, if I say so myself. But once in a while, I’d give a huge amount of money to have them taken off my hands for a day. Or, my chest, as it were.

Image credits: BustyGirlComics

Busty Girls: Why It Sucks To Be Us
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  • Julie

    Yeah… Just yeah!

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