Brits Ask For Tats, Cake, and God

Did somebody say cake?

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I think we’re past trying to extrapolate too much meaning from top search term lists—it just gets depressing. During 2007’s cyclical year-end keyword clearance, even the engines themselves resorted to "gainer" and category lists, editing out the repetitive (and somewhat base) who’s-who of porn and pop culture—yeah, we get it, the people can’t get enough of sex and rich, pretty idiots. What else are they looking for?

Did somebody say cake?

What is a better question than why and the societal commentary quagmire that comes with it. With that in mind, and the understanding that Britain-originating searches on Ask only represent about 3.5 percent of the searching population in one small area of the world, we’ll accept their top ten list with appropriate existential deference to and denial of any so-called universal "truths." 

And then we’ll make fun of them.

Jemima Kiss, who in addition to having, empirically speaking, the hottest and most outstandingly crafted name in online journalism written dangerously slanted along a line beneath which there are things you can’t see on television, relays the top ten things the Brits are "Asking" for.

Tattoos, for example, are the number one query among Ask users, followed by wedding cakes and hairstyles. Jesus, who’s number four, would likely be disappointed to know he’s been trumped for vanity and sugar, but will happily take his place above Doctor Who.

Seriously? Doctor Who? Still? Did you notice his ship’s named TARDIS? That’s because the writers are making fun of you. It’s not very nice of them and I feel like you should know.

Thomas the Tank Engine isn’t more popular than the search for UFOs, but he did manage to be more popular than searching for God. It’s surprising so many Brits missed their own Douglas Adams’ succinct explanations about this subject; perhaps they’d have better luck on Google when looking for the answer.

Number ten on the list, just under wedding dresses, is Lindsay Lohan, whose appeal is as curiously strong as an Altoid, and whose position directly beneath a symbol of virginal matrimony is either trademark British sarcasm or the latest argument for abject nihilism.

Abandon hope, all ye who enter here, or take a top ten list of search results at face value.    

Brits Ask For Tats, Cake, and God
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  • http://www.piece-a-cake.com Piece A Cake Bakery

    The cake craize is not just for the Brits! It’s here in the US as well. Our cake business is up over 200% in the last few months. Got to love it! Steph

  • http://www.1seoexperts.com SEO Expert – Josh

    SLOW DOWN, JASON!   The authors of the Dr. Who show are not making fun of you.  The Doctor Who show is a great show and a classic. 

  • http://www.spanishseo.org/ International SEO

    Hey Jason, I got the details and everything else, but the main point is….? I guess someone indeed eat the cake, eh 😉

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