Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.
And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.
TLC Show Idea: 'SCARF ACE.' Flamboyantly gay dude who is a whiz at making scarves!
Not to be outdone by Cory Booker, Chris Christie just ran into a bakery and saved a tray of Cinnamon Rolls from burning.
CNBC's motto should be "Adding excitement to financial coverage by moving the camera around for no reason."
Poor old North Korea. They should start with something smaller than a rocket launch. Like a raffle or something.
The shortest distance between two points is betting a cab driver $20 bucks he can't get you there in 10 minutes.
North Korea: "Yeah, the test failed, but at least we didn't try to re-make The Three Stooges"
Maybe sharks are angry because they can't hug 🙁
North Korea's missile went down so fast that it's code name has been changed to 'The Kardashian".
Going to Disneyland. It's sort of like a zoo where you can go to see unhappy families trapped in cute little environments.
If you're feeling bad about yourself, keep in mind that Brad Pitt is engaged to Billy Bob Thornton's sloppy seconds.
Twitter doesn't allow time for that special part of the brain that says, "Wait, that's not funny."
That's not actually my blood and flesh. Stop being gross.
North Korea launched a rocket that failed to go all the way up. I call that "projectile dysfunction."