Angry Birds Space, Photoshop, and 5 Hour Energy

Twitter is a wonderful place for one-liners. To be funny on the site, you’ve got to be sharp and practice economy of language. You’ve only got 140 characters to make an impression.

And what better way to wind-down the work day than with a selection of some of the day’s most entertaining tweets.

Enjoy!

@BorowitzReport
Andy BorowitzRomney: “We’re not like Etch-a-Sketch. We’re more like Hungry Hungry Hippos – we can’t stop opening our mouths.” 6 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@DepressedDarth
Darth VaderI’d be more excited about Angry Birds Space if it started with a scrolling yellow paragraph explaining what was happening. 4 hours ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@scullymike
Mike ScullyCame face-to-face with a pack of coyotes in my yard last night but I was able to scare them off with the smell of shit in my pants. 4 hours ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@_Snape_
Professor SnapeI’d like to see how long Bella Swan would last in The Hunger Games. 12 hours ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@JennyJohnsonHi5
Jenny JohnsonYes, 5 Hour Energy. I do know that 2:30 feeling and drinking juice out of a tiny bottle doesn’t fix it. Vodka does. 2 hours ago via Echofon · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@JRsBBQ
Jim RossTebow joining the HBO version of the Jets is like an apostle renting a condo in purgatory & hoping to change the neighborhood, 1 hour ago via Echofon · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@FirstWorldLife
First World LifeMy comforter isn’t rectangular enough so I never know which way it’s supposed to go #FirstWorldProblems 1 hour ago via iTweet for Android · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@LouBrutus
Lou BrutusAngry Birds Space is out. The loud crash you’ll hear is not from the game. It’s the sound of world productivity plummeting thru the floor. 7 hours ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@WomensHumor
Women’s HumorVictoria’s Secret really dropped the ball on not naming their fashion show “The Hunger Games.” 3 hours ago via Tweetie for Mac · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@iDylanBarker
Dylan Barker™You’re beautiful! until your Photoshop 30 day trial expires.. 4 hours ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@anjeanettec
Anjeanette CarterClass action lawsuits are like lottery tickets for people who complain a lot. 30 minutes ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@blainecapatch
blaine capatchthey must have named my catheter after the comic strip “cathy” because it was not funny whatsoever. 33 minutes ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@TheTweetOfGod
GodJust got Angry Birds Space. Between now and Sunday if you need anything ask Jesus. 1 hour ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@ApocalypseHow
Rob KutnerThere are Trump wives who have married for fewer conditions than an Apple agreement. 1 hour ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto

@michaelianblack
Michael Ian BlackYeah, I could get dressed but at some point I’ll just get undressed again so what’s the point. 6 hours ago via web · Reply · Retweet · Favorite · powered by @socialditto